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Reply to "Tell future MIL I'm an atheist?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think your first priority is getting on the same page with your partner in regards to how you two will handle issues with each other's parents. [/quote] For the most part we are on the same page. I believe this is more of a personal issue. I am outspoken regarding social issues. My partner shares my beliefs in a much more personal matter. His view is that everyone is entitled to hold their own beliefs. [b]My view is that people should be verbal when other's beliefs are harmful.[/b] [/quote] You're wrong, quite frankly. You sound like an immature 20-something who's recently decided on a viewpoint and wants to share this fantastic viewpoint with the world. Her praying to Jesus for you to get pregnant, get the job you want, learn to love Jesus and accept him into your heart at your one true savior, or get over your cold before your vacation will not harm anyone. [/quote] Agree that her praying for those things will not harm anyone. However, making snide remarks about the beliefs of others is not okay. If a family member was making snide remarks about gay people and I was gay, I would tell them that their remarks were hurtful to me. Honestly, though, OP, there is not much to be gained by starting a fight about this. It'll make it about your beliefs vs. her beliefs. I would just tell her that you do not share her opinion about other religions and would prefer to talk about other things so as to avoid an unpleasant disagreement.[/quote] MIL HAS NOT SAID A WORD. The only one being "harmful" is OP who is assuming that MIL will say something snide just due to the fact that she is religious. I love the Lord, but I don't go around making snide remarks about people who don't. I only make snide remarks about people who arrogantly make dumb-ass assumptions about sh** that has not even happened. Honestly, I question OP's fiancee's judgement picking this one who seems to be begging for a fight with his mom. [/quote] YOU might not go around making snide remarks about people who don't share your faith, but it is hardly the case that no fundamentalists do this. I have known many over my life in various parts of the country who assume that you must share their beliefs with them and speak as though you were part of the "us" who is not going to hell with the rest of "them" who do not believe what "we" belief. If it was a casual acquaintance, I'd be perfectly alright with changing the subject, but if it was family (which includes in-laws), I would feel differently. I would want her to know, for example, that discussions of when to baptize my children would not be welcomed, that gifts of Bibles are not appropriate, etc. I'd want to set up boundaries about what role their religion is permitted in my child's life. In my personal life, my mom is religious and I am not. When we visit, she's welcome to take DD with her to church if she wants to and DD is also into it. She is not welcome to send my child religious-themed gifts and we agreed a long time ago that if she wanted to provide tuition for DD to go to private school, she had to agree to do it for any private school that I believed was appropriate and not just parochial school. My mom is a wonderful woman and amazing mom and grandmother, but there are times when her beliefs stop being personal to her and start being part of the activities and trajectory of family. The church she attends isn't offensive to me - I just am not interested in being affiliated with her religion. I know it makes her sad, but we have simply agreed to respect each other's beliefs and let it go at that. Making snide comments (which OP seems sure will happen at some point) is not respecting other people's beliefs. I think that the OP is right to consider these things. I think that the appropriate thing to do at this point is to have a conversation with her fiance and decide what their religious life as a family will look like. This way, when children DO come into the picture, they have already decided on a position and can present a united front. [/quote] What are you talking about ? This has nothing to do with the post. If someone had made some remarks maybe this would be relevant, but the point of OP's post is that NO ONE HAS SAID ANYTHING TO HER. That was the point I was making -- OP is getting indignant about something that has only happened in her mind.[/quote]
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