Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:smile and nod. As a very religious person myself I would never allow my child to marry or be a non beliver. I would make your life HELL if I knew you didnt believe and you were going to marry my son.

How Christlike of you.

Anonymous wrote:smile and nod. As a very religious person myself I would never allow my child to marry or be a non beliver. I would make your life HELL if I knew you didnt believe and you were going to marry my son.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have the end in mind before you pick this battle. What do you hope to gain by starting this fight? And it's going to be a fight.

Have you and your spouse discussed how you will handle this once you are married? How are you going to handle children and when she asks what their religious upbringing will be?

And, on a side note, your husband had a religious upbringing. Right now he may be trying on atheism for size, but in my experience I find people tend to move back towards what is familiar and comforting to them as they age and as they have children. What will you do if your husband decides he wants to be a christian again and raise the kids as christians?

Good point.

Part of why OPs husband might not be willing to confront his mom could be because his beliefs of religion and faith do not actually align with OPs. Op seems to be rather strident, and he might just be hoping that is he keeps quiet it will all blow over.

Anonymous wrote:Why is it okay for religious people to talk about their religion as much as they please, but if a non-believer says anything they are "picking a fight"?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your first priority is getting on the same page with your partner in regards to how you two will handle issues with each other's parents.

For the most part we are on the same page. I believe this is more of a personal issue. I am outspoken regarding social issues. My partner shares my beliefs in a much more personal matter. His view is that everyone is entitled to hold their own beliefs. My view is that people should be verbal when other's beliefs are harmful.

You're wrong, quite frankly. You sound like an immature 20-something who's recently decided on a viewpoint and wants to share this fantastic viewpoint with the world. Her praying to Jesus for you to get pregnant, get the job you want, learn to love Jesus and accept him into your heart at your one true savior, or get over your cold before your vacation will not harm anyone.

Agree that her praying for those things will not harm anyone. However, making snide remarks about the beliefs of others is not okay.

If a family member was making snide remarks about gay people and I was gay, I would tell them that their remarks were hurtful to me. Honestly, though, OP, there is not much to be gained by starting a fight about this. It'll make it about your beliefs vs. her beliefs. I would just tell her that you do not share her opinion about other religions and would prefer to talk about other things so as to avoid an unpleasant disagreement.

MIL HAS NOT SAID A WORD. The only one being "harmful" is OP who is assuming that MIL will say something snide just due to the fact that she is religious. I love the Lord, but I don't go around making snide remarks about people who don't. I only make snide remarks about people who arrogantly make dumb-ass assumptions about sh** that has not even happened. Honestly, I question OP's fiancee's judgement picking this one who seems to be begging for a fight with his mom.

YOU might not go around making snide remarks about people who don't share your faith, but it is hardly the case that no fundamentalists do this. I have known many over my life in various parts of the country who assume that you must share their beliefs with them and speak as though you were part of the "us" who is not going to hell with the rest of "them" who do not believe what "we" belief. If it was a casual acquaintance, I'd be perfectly alright with changing the subject, but if it was family (which includes in-laws), I would feel differently. I would want her to know, for example, that discussions of when to baptize my children would not be welcomed, that gifts of Bibles are not appropriate, etc. I'd want to set up boundaries about what role their religion is permitted in my child's life. In my personal life, my mom is religious and I am not. When we visit, she's welcome to take DD with her to church if she wants to and DD is also into it. She is not welcome to send my child religious-themed gifts and we agreed a long time ago that if she wanted to provide tuition for DD to go to private school, she had to agree to do it for any private school that I believed was appropriate and not just parochial school. My mom is a wonderful woman and amazing mom and grandmother, but there are times when her beliefs stop being personal to her and start being part of the activities and trajectory of family. The church she attends isn't offensive to me - I just am not interested in being affiliated with her religion. I know it makes her sad, but we have simply agreed to respect each other's beliefs and let it go at that. Making snide comments (which OP seems sure will happen at some point) is not respecting other people's beliefs.

I think that the OP is right to consider these things. I think that the appropriate thing to do at this point is to have a conversation with her fiance and decide what their religious life as a family will look like. This way, when children DO come into the picture, they have already decided on a position and can present a united front.

Anonymous wrote:Have the end in mind before you pick this battle. What do you hope to gain by starting this fight? And it's going to be a fight.

Have you and your spouse discussed how you will handle this once you are married? How are you going to handle children and when she asks what their religious upbringing will be?

And, on a side note, your husband had a religious upbringing. Right now he may be trying on atheism for size, but in my experience I find people tend to move back towards what is familiar and comforting to them as they age and as they have children. What will you do if your husband decides he wants to be a christian again and raise the kids as christians?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your first priority is getting on the same page with your partner in regards to how you two will handle issues with each other's parents.

For the most part we are on the same page. I believe this is more of a personal issue. I am outspoken regarding social issues. My partner shares my beliefs in a much more personal matter. His view is that everyone is entitled to hold their own beliefs. My view is that people should be verbal when other's beliefs are harmful.

You're wrong, quite frankly. You sound like an immature 20-something who's recently decided on a viewpoint and wants to share this fantastic viewpoint with the world. Her praying to Jesus for you to get pregnant, get the job you want, learn to love Jesus and accept him into your heart at your one true savior, or get over your cold before your vacation will not harm anyone.

Agree that her praying for those things will not harm anyone. However, making snide remarks about the beliefs of others is not okay.

If a family member was making snide remarks about gay people and I was gay, I would tell them that their remarks were hurtful to me. Honestly, though, OP, there is not much to be gained by starting a fight about this. It'll make it about your beliefs vs. her beliefs. I would just tell her that you do not share her opinion about other religions and would prefer to talk about other things so as to avoid an unpleasant disagreement.

MIL HAS NOT SAID A WORD. The only one being "harmful" is OP who is assuming that MIL will say something snide just due to the fact that she is religious. I love the Lord, but I don't go around making snide remarks about people who don't. I only make snide remarks about people who arrogantly make dumb-ass assumptions about sh** that has not even happened. Honestly, I question OP's fiancee's judgement picking this one who seems to be begging for a fight with his mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your first priority is getting on the same page with your partner in regards to how you two will handle issues with each other's parents.

For the most part we are on the same page. I believe this is more of a personal issue. I am outspoken regarding social issues. My partner shares my beliefs in a much more personal matter. His view is that everyone is entitled to hold their own beliefs. My view is that people should be verbal when other's beliefs are harmful.

You're wrong, quite frankly. You sound like an immature 20-something who's recently decided on a viewpoint and wants to share this fantastic viewpoint with the world. Her praying to Jesus for you to get pregnant, get the job you want, learn to love Jesus and accept him into your heart at your one true savior, or get over your cold before your vacation will not harm anyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your first priority is getting on the same page with your partner in regards to how you two will handle issues with each other's parents.

For the most part we are on the same page. I believe this is more of a personal issue. I am outspoken regarding social issues. My partner shares my beliefs in a much more personal matter. His view is that everyone is entitled to hold their own beliefs. My view is that people should be verbal when other's beliefs are harmful.

You're wrong, quite frankly. You sound like an immature 20-something who's recently decided on a viewpoint and wants to share this fantastic viewpoint with the world. Her praying to Jesus for you to get pregnant, get the job you want, learn to love Jesus and accept him into your heart at your one true savior, or get over your cold before your vacation will not harm anyone.

Agree that her praying for those things will not harm anyone. However, making snide remarks about the beliefs of others is not okay.

If a family member was making snide remarks about gay people and I was gay, I would tell them that their remarks were hurtful to me. Honestly, though, OP, there is not much to be gained by starting a fight about this. It'll make it about your beliefs vs. her beliefs. I would just tell her that you do not share her opinion about other religions and would prefer to talk about other things so as to avoid an unpleasant disagreement.