Reply to How to create a lasting, great relationship with your kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - this is all very interesting.  For those with good relationships, how did discipline work?  My three-year old simply doesn't listen a lot of times and I tend to be more of a traditional disciplinarian (e.g., stern voice, consistent time outs after a warning, not allowing treats if she is acting poorly).  But this makes me feel like a warden - yet I know I need to enforce rules.  It's so confusing!

Oddly, I don't think my parents' disciplinary style was problematic for our relationship.  I was spanked and many times harshly spoken to when I did very bad things, but I don't think that was traumatizing.  What was very harmful was being told how I didn't measure up to my gifted sister and being forced to try to emulate her gifts, which I never could do.  My parents were basically either ignoring me or telling me how I was not good enough.  When I left for college, they didn't call or write for months.  I think that's an easy problem to avoid repeating.  But in the back of my mind I wonder if my method of discipline is a path to distance in the future.

I do need to work on patience.  That can be tough![/quote]

Consistent parenting works best in the context of unconditional love and acceptance.  My husband and I argue, sometimes loudly :) but we don't remove our love and affection for one another, and it's not threatening because we know we're "safe" with each other.

Don't forget to apologize to your little one if you realize later that you came on too strong or did something wrong (or maybe didn't discipline when you should have).  I tell my DDs I'm not perfect, but I sure do try, and my #1 goal in life is to help my kids make good choices and be happy, healthy, and surrounded by people who love them![/quote]

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