Reply to How to create a lasting, great relationship with your kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]Anonymous wrote:
OP here - this is all very interesting. For those with good relationships, how did discipline work? My three-year old simply doesn't listen a lot of times and I tend to be more of a traditional disciplinarian (e.g., stern voice, consistent time outs after a warning, not allowing treats if she is acting poorly). But this makes me feel like a warden - yet I know I need to enforce rules. It's so confusing!

Oddly, I don't think my parents' disciplinary style was problematic for our relationship. I was spanked and many times harshly spoken to when I did very bad things, but I don't think that was traumatizing. What was very harmful was being told how I didn't measure up to my gifted sister and being forced to try to emulate her gifts, which I never could do. My parents were basically either ignoring me or telling me how I was not good enough. When I left for college, they didn't call or write for months. I think that's an easy problem to avoid repeating. But in the back of my mind I wonder if my method of discipline is a path to distance in the future.

I do need to work on patience. That can be tough!

[/quote]

I'm the PP with 4 siblings and great parents, and they were pretty strict. Not authoritarian, but consistent and they had high expectations for our behavior, particularly when we were young and learning how to behave. My mom had mastered the don't-you-dare-to-disobey-me look and the family story goes that she broke a spoon while spanking my strong-willed brother (who probably ended up closest to her of any of us). I think the key though was that we knew what to expect, they did not have arbitrary rules (or rather, only a few arbitrary rules that were applied consistently!), and in general they approached their kids with love and understanding - not a desire to control.[/quote]

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