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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are right to be alert to this, OP. My spouse is an alcoholic, but I didn't realize it until we were married and I was pregnant with our first child. Always having a drink after work and when we were out, etc, but never acted different and was always very good to me. But there was more substance abuse going on than I was aware of. It's been a very hard road that I wouldn't wish on any one or do over again if I had the choice. Stay alert to this. [/quote]

This describes my situation as well -- didn't realize it until after pregnant.  Now exDH was stealing my prescription meds and drinking secretively.  I had to mark alcohol bottles and count pills to understand what was going on.  He was medicating MI.  If you met him, you would never guess he has a problem.  We argued for a long time about whether he was an alcoholic or not.  It didn't matter to me.  He was engaging in "problem drinking behaviors"  -- drinking alone, drinking even though someone asked you to stop, drinking to get to sleep, drinking even when on medication that contraindicates drinking, and drinking fairly regularly/heavily on a daily basis even though there was a very strong family history of alcoholism/rehab/mental illness.

I also, in retrospect, would have made a different choice, if I had understood how important the red flags seemed.  I would have broken up with him at the first signs and not "given him a chance".  I know that sounds harsh, but the reality of these illnesses (either substance abuse or MI) is that the person themselves has to admit they have a problem and work really hard to get help.  When you meet someone who's not at that stage yet, the road is likely to be a very long and painful, and I would argue, adding a relationship/obligations to another person, only make it harder for the abuser.

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