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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Granted I only have a way-back-in-the-day minor in psych, but I think I'm pretty even-keeled when looking at mental illness and not knee-jerk or working solely from a misconception from TV or stereotypes or the like.

But I get very worried sometimes about a situation I am in. My DH is estranged from his bio dad. He saw him last around 14 or so (he's mid 30s). They come from a very sort of stoic "everything is ok" family. As such we say that his dad "has his issues" or "is intense" or the like. Its pretty damn clear to me that he very likely suffers from paranoid personality disorder, I don't know if that is in conjunction with any hallucinations/ schizophrenia or other clinical disorders. I have no idea if he has ever been diagnosed, I finally think I feel like I have the courage to ask MIL this or if he's been diagnosed but refused help.

The list of his behaviors that I've been told about pretty much line up with DSM-IV and what makes it more likely, in my mind, is the occasional 1 every year or so card that we get from him for my husband. The 1st paragraph is always "I hear you are doing well" type pleasantries and within a couple of sentences it devolves into a truly paranoid diatribe about the nation and world crumbling, the organizations that are taking over (CIA, watching and the like), how groups will be out to get you, etc.

We got one yesterday.

The reason that it gets me so much more now is that we have a baby. He says congrats about the baby and references a picture he saw of him. Which would have come from his sister, DH aunt, most likely as no one else has contact. We don't really have a relationship with his aunt and uncle beyond xmas cards- but they are very nice people.

He is several states away but doesn't hold a job or anything, so could easily just pick up and try to get here without anyone noticing he is gone for some time. I have these fears about him just showing up. I don't know if he is dangerous, but I also don't know that I'm willing to give any benefit of the doubt when even the slimmest possibility of something happening involves my son! He clearly knows our address.

I know the odds are truly slim that he would ever come to us or that even if he did  that anything bad would come of it. But I do think about it. My husband tries to let it roll off his back but I can tell that its upsetting to get notes like that. Whenever he gets one I hate it- I've even been able to intercept them a couple of times and given him notice that I have it so he can open it when he wants to- which he could anyway, but I think it feels more automatic when you are the one opening the mail to just open right then.

I plan to let his aunt and uncle know that we aren't comfortable with him having this surrogate relationship with our son in his head. I'm tempted to tell them that we don't want any contact (this is DH's wish too) going forward and they need to tell him that we moved/ can't write us at that address. I feel like they kind of owe us that since they didn't have permission to give details about our son/our lives in the first place. But I know that sounds pretty entitled and angry.

I love my DH so much, my son fiercely. I guess my protective instincts kicked up even more when I became a mom.[/quote]

Looks like DH chose someone just like dear old dad for his life partner. Seriously chill.[/quote]

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