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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP here. Please excuse the over sensitive crazes here. Many have completely over looked what you are asking because a word you have been drowning in offends them.

My mother is a control freak as well. I have been up against it my entire life. Your wife has to learn what healthy boundaries are. She can read, research and go for concealing. This is a long and tedious process.

You do need to say something about her respecting your wishes in your home. Your wife needs to on board with this. You may need to show her that your mad about this and that it is now unacceptable. Good Luck.   [/quote]

OP here - thanks for taking the time to calmly write.

When you are first married and young (and we were) you don't know what to expect. Our first year was not good and I remember thinking what honeymoom ? The other thing was when we were dating MIL had nothing to do with us, so I didn't see it coming. Once we got married she became involved, would come over do the wash, clean. It was off putting. I know that sounds ungrateful but who really wants their MIL washing their soiled cheats ? But I was naive; I didn't have a sense for how things were supposed to work. All I knew was that I was embarrassed. At the time I think my wife found it easier to "manage" me then her Mom. So instead of having it out with her Mom she would tell me to deal with it. MIL was also widowed early so I think DW felt an obligation. which again, starting out, you say that is the way it should be. It hit ahead right before we had kids - I was getting ready to divorce - selfishly I didn't want to live in my early to mid thirties with my DW and my MIL with MIL doing the housework. That's not a marriage. Perhaps should have had the wisdom not to get pregnant, but again, quilt about leaving DW at that point as I realized that very likely would have resulted in her never having kids (presumptuous I know) so we were blessed with beautiful children. After hitting a rough patch over other issues of late I do not have the tolerance or pliability I once had. I also think it may be an age thing - I'm just not putting up with it anymore.  But in reality it is just a symptom of other issues.

Thanks again for taking the time to write. I noticed I hit some type of nerve with the "control" word. And I know it isn't easy on wife. I guess my frustration has always been why are you so willing to tell me to pound sand vs. standing up to your Mom.

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