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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are looking for a referral for an educational psychologist, in DC or MD, who has real expertise in boys and their developmental differences.  Books such as "Raising Cain" and "The Minds of Boys" have really resonated with us.   Our 10-year old son suffers from shpilkes (ants in pants) and apparently this is no longer considered socially acceptable.   We need someone to help us navigate/play zone defense in the feminized halls of American elementary school education.

Also, we are in the "no drugs" camp so prefer someone who is like-minded.

We would be grateful for any recommendations.[/quote]

OP, as the mom of an ADD Inattentive boy with a messy desk and crappy handwriting, I hear what you're saying about pathologizing deficits.  I would encourage you to learn about the IEP/504 process.  Atlhough you doubtless feel pressured by the school, there are useful accommodations to be had (like extra time, access to keyboard for writing, and help with organization) even if you don't agree that the deficits justify a "diagnosis."  Looking ahead long-term, it may be difficult for a child with "shpilkes" to demonstrate mastery of skills without the extra time for tests.  Sometimes this can result in downwardly spiraling self-esteem because the child can see a mismatch between what he/she knows he knows and what he/she can see all other kids do (which is then pathologized as "emotional disorder" like "anxiety" or "depression".)  The way I look at it, there are a wide variety of skills that used to be part of the "curriculum" -- handwriting, spelling, and organizational or study skills and social skills -- that are no longer officially "taught" skills but only accessible thru the special ed process.  IMO, this is stupid, but it is what it is.  Parents without financial means often go thru the special ed process to access this (rather weak) instruction; those with means hire private tutors or coaches to provide instruction outside of school.  I think that this is increasingly becoming the case as the school curriculum places more and more developmentally inappropriate expectations on our kids. (Like writing a BCR in 2nd grade.  :roll:  )]

OP here.  Thank you for the great answer, as well as others for their constructive responses.   I agree with you profoundly, across the board (your description of the downward spiral is particularly apt).

We are willing to go along with the kabuki show of "diagnosis" as you suggest, much as it sticks in the throat.  We are just looking for someone who has a similar skepticism about the whole way these developmental differences are being handled but who can interface with the school and use the "magic words" so our son can get what he needs.  Many of the non-drug interventions the school has rolled out have been inappropriate because they are based on the same distorted expectations (are we really going to get seriatim nasty notes because his locker is a mess?  He has no problem finding things).

The problem we have found so far is that most educational psychologists make their living from the current system (with all its terrible ethical distortions and make-believe pathologies) and -- perhaps unwittingly -- are not honest brokers.  Our goal is to construct a developmentally appropriate strategy for our son, going forward, in collaboration with someone who actually knows something about boys and their developmental pecadillos (and I realize this is not a problem limited to boys).  We can then put it into whatever terminology makes the school happy and proceed.  But first we need some help with an appropriate strategy.

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