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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are looking for a referral for an educational psychologist, in DC or MD, who has real expertise in boys and their developmental differences.  Books such as "Raising Cain" and "The Minds of Boys" have really resonated with us.   Our 10-year old son suffers from shpilkes (ants in pants) and apparently this is no longer considered socially acceptable.   We need someone to help us navigate/play zone defense in the feminized halls of American elementary school education.

Also, we are in the "no drugs" camp so prefer someone who is like-minded.

We would be grateful for any recommendations.[/quote]

OP, as the mom of an ADD Inattentive boy with a messy desk and crappy handwriting, I hear what you're saying about pathologizing deficits.  I would encourage you to learn about the IEP/504 process.  Atlhough you doubtless feel pressured by the school, there are useful accommodations to be had (like extra time, access to keyboard for writing, and help with organization) even if you don't agree that the deficits justify a "diagnosis."  Looking ahead long-term, it may be difficult for a child with "shpilkes" to demonstrate mastery of skills without the extra time for tests.  Sometimes this can result in downwardly spiraling self-esteem because the child can see a mismatch between what he/she knows he knows and what he/she can see all other kids do (which is then pathologized as "emotional disorder" like "anxiety" or "depression".)  The way I look at it, there are a wide variety of skills that used to be part of the "curriculum" -- handwriting, spelling, and organizational or study skills and social skills -- that are no longer officially "taught" skills but only accessible thru the special ed process.  IMO, this is stupid, but it is what it is.  Parents without financial means often go thru the special ed process to access this (rather weak) instruction; those with means hire private tutors or coaches to provide instruction outside of school.  I think that this is increasingly becoming the case as the school curriculum places more and more developmentally inappropriate expectations on our kids. (Like writing a BCR in 2nd grade.  :roll:  )

If money is an issue, and you are being pressured by the school to get assessment, do you know that the school must provide assessment if you ask?  Write a letter saying that you are concerned your child might have attention issues and need a 504 or IEP and request assessment.  Yes, you may disagree with the school's assessment, but you can then request an Independent Educational Evaluation, for which the school system must pay.

Of course, if your child isn't experiencing a negative impact from the disjuncture between school expectations and ability, then there may be no reason for extra support.

Also, you cannot be required by the school to medicate your child.  And, the school cannot require medication as a condition of receiving special instruction, services or accommodations.  Period.  FWIW, the school has never pressured us to medicate, although I understand others may have different experiences.  We have objections to ADD medications, because they are mostly excluded by our family medical history.

Please consider how you are go to "play defense".  One way to go is to find an educational psychologist to say there is no disorder.  But, if you say that, then you risk getting NO support on implementing "practical suggestions".  Another way to play defense is to accept an "ADHD diagnosis" (if one is justified by the DSM criteria and subjective and objective testing) and demand appropriate "accommodations".  For example, on a 504 plan, it may be written that a child is NOT allowed to have recess taken away, or is allowed to get up and walk around during class or work at a standing table or gets a reminder from a teacher to write down homework or the teacher explicitly asks for completed homework.  These are what I would view as "practical suggestions" and that these are now considered "accommodations" is a little bit silly, and reinforces the "pathologizing" that schools do, but if it gets you something that is helpful, IMO, it may be worth considering.  FWIW, we have had an explicit discussion with our 10 y.o. DC about what ADHD is thought to be and how unclear the diagnosis, cause and treatment are and what that means for his self-identity.  He got it.

To others who object to the characterization of "feminization" of elementary school, I understand the use of the word even as it applies to female students.  Schools, IMO, are "feminized" according to a very narrow, inflexible vision of what it means to be "female" and that hurts both male and female students.  But, sadly, fixing that is decades long project.  We have come some way with Title IX, but the road ahead is still long.  [/quote]

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