Reply to I only have contact with my mother because I don't want to feel guilty when she dies

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  I feel awful because my mom tries to be nice.  I know she misses me, but I just don't have much kindness left for her.  She beat it out of me.  This makes me feel like the worst person on earth.  She wants a close relationship with my sister and I and doesn't understand why we can't have that.  I live 1000 miles away from her.  I'm visiting her right now and the fighting started from the minute I got here.  Actually seeing her lifestyle and irresponsibility makes me incredibly angry.  I cut my vacation short by 3 days.
I currently do see a therapist and scheduled an emergency appointment for when I arrive home.[/quote]

OP, I can tell that you are doing the very best that you can with an incredibly difficult situation. I'm a therapist and see many clients facing similar family dynamics. You are doing what you think is best for YOU by keeping some sort of relationship with your mother, am I right? Keep fighting the good fight, maintain boundaries that allow you to connect without becoming overwhlemed, and be compassionate with yourself. Try meditation and reminding yourself to let the small stuff go -- it isn't you it's her. You aren't terrible and it sounds like you deserved better than she was able to give you as a parent. Be kind to yourself, OP. It will all be okay.[/quote]

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