Anonymous
06/03/2014 22:10
Subject: I only have contact with my mother because I don't want to feel guilty when she dies
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My mom never abused me in a strict sense, but she is mentally sick I think (hoarding, depression), and that made her do crazy things. she is a very unpleasant person to be around (as well as my doormat dad), I only talk to them because I feel I am obligated to.
Whoa, this describes my family exactly, although my mom did abuse us. "[S]he is mentally sick I think (hoarding, depression) . . . and is a very unpleasant person to be around (as well as my doormat dad)." This is exactly my parents. So weird to see it written out like that from someone else.
What was her abuse, if you don't mind?
My mom did crazy things like making me wear ridiculous clothes, or making some crazy soups (basically throwing all kinds of veggies into water and putting some vegetable oil) because it is healthy... I think it may be abuse, but I also think she did it because she was and is crazy.
Anonymous
06/03/2014 09:25
Subject: I only have contact with my mother because I don't want to feel guilty when she dies
Anonymous wrote:You are not alone.
+1
Anonymous
06/03/2014 09:17
Subject: I only have contact with my mother because I don't want to feel guilty when she dies
Anonymous wrote:My mom never abused me in a strict sense, but she is mentally sick I think (hoarding, depression), and that made her do crazy things. she is a very unpleasant person to be around (as well as my doormat dad), I only talk to them because I feel I am obligated to.
Whoa, this describes my family exactly, although my mom did abuse us. "[S]he is mentally sick I think (hoarding, depression) . . . and is a very unpleasant person to be around (as well as my doormat dad)." This is exactly my parents. So weird to see it written out like that from someone else.
Anonymous
06/03/2014 08:19
Subject: I only have contact with my mother because I don't want to feel guilty when she dies
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I feel awful because my mom tries to be nice. I know she misses me, but I just don't have much kindness left for her. She beat it out of me. This makes me feel like the worst person on earth. She wants a close relationship with my sister and I and doesn't understand why we can't have that. I live 1000 miles away from her. I'm visiting her right now and the fighting started from the minute I got here. Actually seeing her lifestyle and irresponsibility makes me incredibly angry. I cut my vacation short by 3 days.
I currently do see a therapist and scheduled an emergency appointment for when I arrive home.
OP I am sorry. My mom was literally close to dying, ill as could be, and she sits up to insult me. One of her rants. I just looked at her and thought, you know its a lot of trouble and expense to be here, I think this is the end for me visiting you. No more visits, no more regrets.
Anonymous
06/03/2014 08:16
Subject: I only have contact with my mother because I don't want to feel guilty when she dies
Anonymous wrote:I'm an RN who works in rehab/long term care. If I had a dollar for every witchy old woman who is a perfect beast to their husbands and children, I own my own vacation home on OBX.
I see these women guilt the crap out of their kids about coming around to kiss their asses when it's clear the relationship is nothing but toxic. Some daughters come daily and leave in tears after another awful visit with their emotionally detached mothers who seem to think that squeezing a child out 50-60 years ago means that they need to devote every waking moment to them, regardless of the crappy childhood they provided. It is so sad. Those mothers will continue to guilt their children from beyond the grave...
+100 This is a syndrome. Abused children keep coming back hoping.... Its not going to happen and you won't feel guilty (you might feel guilty that your feeling is relief) BTDT
Anonymous
06/03/2014 07:50
Subject: I only have contact with my mother because I don't want to feel guilty when she dies
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I feel awful because my mom tries to be nice. I know she misses me, but I just don't have much kindness left for her. She beat it out of me. This makes me feel like the worst person on earth. She wants a close relationship with my sister and I and doesn't understand why we can't have that. I live 1000 miles away from her. I'm visiting her right now and the fighting started from the minute I got here. Actually seeing her lifestyle and irresponsibility makes me incredibly angry. I cut my vacation short by 3 days.
I currently do see a therapist and scheduled an emergency appointment for when I arrive home.
OP, I can tell that you are doing the very best that you can with an incredibly difficult situation. I'm a therapist and see many clients facing similar family dynamics. You are doing what you think is best for YOU by keeping some sort of relationship with your mother, am I right? Keep fighting the good fight, maintain boundaries that allow you to connect without becoming overwhlemed, and be compassionate with yourself. Try meditation and reminding yourself to let the small stuff go -- it isn't you it's her. You aren't terrible and it sounds like you deserved better than she was able to give you as a parent. Be kind to yourself, OP. It will all be okay.
Anonymous
06/03/2014 07:38
Subject: I only have contact with my mother because I don't want to feel guilty when she dies
OP here. I feel awful because my mom tries to be nice. I know she misses me, but I just don't have much kindness left for her. She beat it out of me. This makes me feel like the worst person on earth. She wants a close relationship with my sister and I and doesn't understand why we can't have that. I live 1000 miles away from her. I'm visiting her right now and the fighting started from the minute I got here. Actually seeing her lifestyle and irresponsibility makes me incredibly angry. I cut my vacation short by 3 days.
I currently do see a therapist and scheduled an emergency appointment for when I arrive home.
I currently do see a therapist and scheduled an emergency appointment for when I arrive home.
Anonymous
06/03/2014 01:48
Subject: I only have contact with my mother because I don't want to feel guilty when she dies
My mom never abused me in a strict sense, but she is mentally sick I think (hoarding, depression), and that made her do crazy things. she is a very unpleasant person to be around (as well as my doormat dad), I only talk to them because I feel I am obligated to.