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[quote=Anonymous]Hi I am PP who mentioned counseling can make things worse.   It did for me with my verbally abusive husband.   My son as autism and his therapist recommended I go to therapy myself.   It gave me the clarity I was lacking before and gave me strength to communicate what my bottom line was for me to stay in marriage.   For me, he had to go to psychiatrist for eval and do what they recommended.   Thankfully, he did it and found out he was bipolar.   He is taking meds and exercising daily and eating/sleeping well.  Then we were able to go to therapy two healthy people.  Not saying your husband is bipolar but that for him to be verbally abusive something might be up.

Read this book  http://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

It explains why counseling makes things worse.

Even bipolar husband could hide it for 50 minutes weekly and look like he was the best husband on Earth.   Often counselors won't push the men as much as they know just getting them there was hard.   Often counseling is used by both parties to be the "right" spouse and to feel better but to not solve any problems long term.   Some let folks use its as venting without concrete ways to change.   Sometimes you will pay later for what you said in counseling.   Keep in mind too that if your spouse is borderline or narcissist the worst thing on earth for them is to let the facade crack and show folks their nasty dirty true  selves.   They can't deal with it and lash out at you and you pay.

Get strong yourself and then decide what to do.  If you are dealing with years of verbal abuse you need this    Seriously give it 12 sessions weekly alone in counseling.  Having a neutral third party to explore how tings are going with you and your relationship will help you keep sane and you will feel you at least have control on your own behavior and thoughts.     Good luck to you.

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