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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Another man here.
It happened to me. I was married ten years. I've always had a strong emotional intelligence, so I was careful not to move on too soon. I didn't want any residual emotions from my ex-wife's cheating to spill over into the next relationship. I started seeing someone who for all intents and purposes seemed like a much better catch. She was physically more attractive, she stimulated me mentally in ways that my ex-wife never could, and...I felt like I hit the jackpot to say the least.

We waited four months before anything happened. The sex was the best I'd had in my life. The next day I felt horrible. It confused the hell out of me. It didn't spark any desire for my ex-wife whatsoever, but I still had this sinking feeling like I'd cheated or something. It had to be the fact that I was with someone new for the first time in ten years. I tried to make sense of it, but I couldn't. Four months of building up this intimacy and then in one night it was all invalidated. After that, I felt nothing. No love, no bitterness. Just complete apathy towards the relationship.

It was like performance anxiety on an emotional level. I really, really wanted to get those feelings back, but they just weren't coming. It's been a few months and I still feel the same way. The woman has moved on. I couldn't keep her hanging. It didn't seem right. If anything it's spawned more bitterness towards my ex-wife. I can't even move on although I have zero desire for her anymore. Doesn't seem right.

Sorry that I don't have a solution. I say just see if he can open up more. Maybe give him time. It's uncharted territory. If he's open to it, maybe you can walk it together. [/quote]

OP here... Thank you for sharing your story. It's helpful and makes me feel like maybe this isn't all my fault.   I'm sorry for what you are going through as well.

You described our situation almost exactly, I think?    I didn't mention this in my first post, but he said it was the best sex he had ever had as well.  I didn't believe him at first, I thought he was just being nice.  But, he insisted!   Thats what made it all the stranger.  When I left, I was thinking about how i couldn't wait to get back and do it again!   I'm afraid the opposite happened for him.  He totally shut down as soon as I left.  It was that fast!    It sounds like he may be feeling some of the same things you were/are.

His ex has moved on quickly.  As a matter of fact, she is now living with someone.   I guess everyone moves at their own speed.

Good luck to you :)

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