Reply to Back me up on being the mean, mean mommy

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[quote=Anonymous]Sure, I'll back you up. Except in extenuating circumstances, we do not do events for fun until we have taken care of our obligations.

Keeping our home/our rooms clean and our stuff picked up is an obligation that we have as members of our family. It is simultaneously a safety issue (messy room is a tripping hazard and hard to evacuate in an emergency), a question of forming good habits, and a respect issue twice over. The first way it is a respect issue is that a tidy room shows we respect ourselves and our family home. If I did not tidy up the main living areas of our home, it would be saying that I do not think my family is worth enough of my effort to not live in a mess. If my kids do not clean up their things from the common areas or tidy their rooms it is similarly saying that they believe themselves and their family are not worthy of clean and pleasant surroundings. The second way it is a respect issue is that tidying up shows respect for our belongings which are bought with money that at least one member of this family worked hard to earn.

If this is a major issue for you [i]and your child knew this in advance[/i], I think it is reasonable to have a major consequence such as missing the event.

[u]That being said[/u], there are a few points where I disagree with your stance or that I think might be beneficial for you to consider. Since you asked in your title for people to back you up, which means you didn't intend this thread to become a debate or exchange of conflicting views, feel free to skip the rest of my post. However I'll throw some thoughts out there in case you are interested.

1. If the expectation that the room had to be clean or no event was not spelled out in advance I think that may have been a mistake. I personally don't like for my kids to feel "blindsided" by consequences, so we have some pretty consistent expectations and if I am going to impose a specific consequence outside of the norm for a certain behavior I tell them that going into the situation so they know what they are getting if they choose to misbehave or not meet expectations.

2. If regular room cleaning is not currently an expectation in your home I think DD probably felt overwhelmed and reacted badly due to that. This is not an excuse for her behavior. You offered to help her, she declined, you came to help her later, you offered all the right supports. And, crying fits/tantrums are for toddlers not mature young ladies who are able to use their words. So this isn't to say that she shouldn't have had consequences because she should. But maybe in the future it would be beneficial if you could work with her on a system of organization and a method for how to clean a room that has turned to a wreck so that this does not happen again.

3. I would reconsider having her throw out graded work from the current school year. I would advise this only if (a) the grade from the quarter the test was taken is finalized and on her report card AND (b) there is no cumulative final exam where she could need to use the old test to study.[/quote]

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