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[quote=Anonymous]It's 7:27 again, with the dilly-dallying mother.  We are (hopefully) nearing the end of the process, and it's been a rough ride that's created lots of unnecessary drama in the family and actually destroyed relationships among some family members (i.e., supposedly grown-up brothers and sisters who have vowed never to talk to one another again).  Here are a few suggestions, based on things I learned too late in the process to help me.  Maybe they will help you.

1. Figure out which state's law applies, and look online for that state's version of the "Uniform Trusts Act" or similar statutes.  That sounds daunting, but they're usually not too complicated and will spell out lots of the executor/trustee's duties.  For example, there's a good chance the executor is obligated to provide all potential beneficiaries with a copy of the will/trust, and also with periodic updates on the status.

2. Ask for info.  I think most versions of the UTA require the executor/trustee to give you basic information on demand.  Make sure you know what's happening.

3. Look closely at the will/trust so you know your rights.  Ask a lawyer for help if it's too complex for you.

4. Consider replacing the executor/trustee.  In my case, my mother was absolutely the wrong person to manage the estate, for the reasons I described above.  Also, she and her siblings have an "emotionally complicated" which makes it very hard for them to have rational conversations without devolving into childish bickering.  We repeatedly asked her to step aside and give the matter to a professional trustee, but she refused, citing the deceased supposed wishes.  ("He appointed me, so I need to do the job!")  But because I failed to review the trust document carefully, I did not discover until too late that a simple majority vote of all beneficiaries would have forced her to step down and resulted in a professional trustee taking over.  I wish I'd noticed that earlier.

5. Don't get emotionally invested.  It's not worth fighting about.

6. If the person is not dead yet, review the will/trust materials with her closely (or encourage her to visit a good lawyer), to make sure the distribution plan is clear and simple without any complex aspects that might require interpretation.  Appoint a professional executor who is not caught up in the emotional aspects of the family.  Get one of those "Estate Management for Dummies" books, which might help you spot traps for the unwary.

Good luck![/quote]

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