It's 7:27 again, with the dilly-dallying mother. We are (hopefully) nearing the end of the process, and it's been a rough ride that's created lots of unnecessary drama in the family and actually destroyed relationships among some family members (i.e., supposedly grown-up brothers and sisters who have vowed never to talk to one another again). Here are a few suggestions, based on things I learned too late in the process to help me. Maybe they will help you.

1. Figure out which state's law applies, and look online for that state's version of the "Uniform Trusts Act" or similar statutes. That sounds daunting, but they're usually not too complicated and will spell out lots of the executor/trustee's duties. For example, there's a good chance the executor is obligated to provide all potential beneficiaries with a copy of the will/trust, and also with periodic updates on the status.

2. Ask for info. I think most versions of the UTA require the executor/trustee to give you basic information on demand. Make sure you know what's happening.

3. Look closely at the will/trust so you know your rights. Ask a lawyer for help if it's too complex for you.

4. Consider replacing the executor/trustee. In my case, my mother was absolutely the wrong person to manage the estate, for the reasons I described above. Also, she and her siblings have an "emotionally complicated" which makes it very hard for them to have rational conversations without devolving into childish bickering. We repeatedly asked her to step aside and give the matter to a professional trustee, but she refused, citing the deceased supposed wishes. ("He appointed me, so I need to do the job!") But because I failed to review the trust document carefully, I did not discover until too late that a simple majority vote of all beneficiaries would have forced her to step down and resulted in a professional trustee taking over. I wish I'd noticed that earlier.

5. Don't get emotionally invested. It's not worth fighting about.

6. If the person is not dead yet, review the will/trust materials with her closely (or encourage her to visit a good lawyer), to make sure the distribution plan is clear and simple without any complex aspects that might require interpretation. Appoint a professional executor who is not caught up in the emotional aspects of the family. Get one of those "Estate Management for Dummies" books, which might help you spot traps for the unwary.

Good luck!

If it is completed, the executor should pay you all your money NOW, period -- or give you a damn good reason why.

Are there any tricks to streamlining this process and making it less of a headache for everyone? What, if anything, can be put into place BEFORE a person even dies to make the settling of his/her estate less of a process..

OP do you trust the executor? You need to see the plans. If complicated, it takes a looong time.

Op here,

Also when I checked the court records online, it states the status of the estate is "completed".

Could that be because the assets which haven't been distributed yet are in trusts?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Five years and the estate still isn't settled. Doesn't help that the executor is a lazy imbecile.

Ha! Me too. It's been 6 years with no distribution. The dilly-dallying executor?: My own mother. I think she is prolonging it because (1) she doesn't like dealing with the details, and (2) she secretly enjoys the power it gives her and the drama she can create in our extended family.

OP here,
Yes I wonder if it is a power ploy on the part of the executor, either consciously or subconsciously. I don't think he is a very happy person in general.

I am thinking of suggesting just turning the whole thing over to the initial attorney. He offered to act as executor (with substantial fees I'm sure), but the current executor insisted he wanted to handle it. Maybe he would be relieved to not have to deal with it anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former executor here ~ it' a big pain the the @ss job. Be very grateful that someone else is doing it.

Trust me, I am very grateful not to be stuck with this job!

Then have some more patience.

I am pretty patient, just would like the executor to follow up when he says he will!

Anonymous wrote:Five years and the estate still isn't settled. Doesn't help that the executor is a lazy imbecile.

Ha! Me too. It's been 6 years with no distribution. The dilly-dallying executor?: My own mother. I think she is prolonging it because (1) she doesn't like dealing with the details, and (2) she secretly enjoys the power it gives her and the drama she can create in our extended family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former executor here ~ it' a big pain the the @ss job. Be very grateful that someone else is doing it.

Trust me, I am very grateful not to be stuck with this job!

Then have some more patience.

Five years and the estate still isn't settled. Doesn't help that the executor is a lazy imbecile.

I feel less badly about my dad s estate still being open 14 months later. I'm planning to do the final distrubution after we make sure the 2013 taxes are squared away.

I know one estate that just finished distributing 29 year a after the death. Crazy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former executor here ~ it' a big pain the the @ss job. Be very grateful that someone else is doing it.

Trust me, I am very grateful not to be stuck with this job!

I am already pretty much expecting to quit my job or shift to part time when my father dies, in order to have the time to unravel his estate, and you guys certainly aren't making me feel any less anxious!

He has made being a financial "wizard" a big part of his life, and I can only imagine the work this is going to entail. (though at least it's all in a trust, and least there's just me and one sibling)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should have filed a Plan of Distribution with the court stating that all taxes, administrative expenses, and debts have been paid (BEFORE making any distribution to the heirs) and stating the schedule of distribution.

Ask to see that plan! The heirs NEED to see it in case they have any objections to it.

If he is giving you (the heirs) money before he has filed that plan, that is a big problem.

Also note that the law requires him to make distributions PROMPTLY unless one of the heirs has objected to the proposed distribution.

Thanks this is helpful, I will ask whether a Plan of Distribution was filed with the court. Is there anyway I could check that on my own ? ( in the interest of not making the executor defensive )

You should be able to view the progress of the settlement online at the court's website. Or call the court, or call the attorney. I was executor for my mother's estate and it was hugely time consuming and stressful. I did not take a fee. Two of my siblings hounded the crap out of me.

Anonymous wrote:Former executor here ~ it' a big pain the the @ss job. Be very grateful that someone else is doing it.

Trust me, I am very grateful not to be stuck with this job!