Reply to Red flag(?): no emotion regarding painful past

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Red flag(?): no emotion regarding painful past"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]You know what? You really don't want a guy with that kind of past who is processing it in a very emotional way. It will be overwhelming to you and you would run the other way to get away from him.

I had a very, very bad childhood. I don't talk about it around most people because it's too much to listen to.  People get disturbed and I feel like I should apologize for having my life. I'm also not that interested in talking about it or rehashing how it made me feel.  Why would I want to relive all of those horrible feelings? I spent a lot of time working to get past those feelings and getting free of them. I'm over it. Let me be over it.

"Yeah, and?" are words that have come out of my mouth in reference to those experiences.  They are in the past. There is nothing to do about them. I can't mourn them forever. I won't spend my life bitter or seeking revenge. I crapped out when parents were assigned. It happens. Somebody has to get the people who are on the far end of the bell curve in parenting.

When I did have a lot of feelings about the divorces, the alcoholism, the physical abuse, the sexual abuse, the sheer insanity of living with my mom and her undying hatred for her children, I was NOT a happy person and I was NOT easy to be around. I was depressed, suicidal, self-destructive.  Does he act in ways that seem harmful to him or to you? Does he drink too much? Get in fights with strangers? Have an anger problem?  Is he mean to you?  Does he cut himself? Is he depressed?  If he doesn't show those behaviors, then I would say it's not a red flag. If he does those behaviors, I would say that it is a red flag. (Those behaviors are red flags on their own.)

BTW, I was pretty much over it until my mom died. When she died, I had a couple of years of EXTREME emotional upset as I processed the whole relationship over again. Of course, her current behavior had a lot to do with it. She was still a practicing addict when she died. She was DUI and caused an accident that put a couple of other people in the hospital. She explicitly disowned me in her will, and said some very nasty things in the course of doing so.  It took awhile to get over that. (Is your boyfriend's mother still alive? Is she still a mess? You might want to think about whether you want someone like that for a MIL.)[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics