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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What do I tell my husband about his father?  I am from Russia.  His father is ex-U.S. military.  He flew bombers armed with atomic bombs targeted on my motherland.  I cannot get over that had he been asked he would have killed me and my family just b/c we were Russian. I do not want him in my house. [/quote]

OP, if your father-in-law [u]currently talks [/u]to you about how he "would have killed you and your family" back then, or he criticizes you just because of your nationality, or he seems to take pleasure in reminding you that he had power over Russians' lives -- then yes, that is a serious problem that your husband must address with his father, and your father-in-law must be told to stop.

But you don't say that that's what is happening here; you do not indicate that your FIL uses anti-Russian slurs or treats you, personally, right now, badly because you are Russian, or that he crows about how he flew bombs over your country years (maybe decades) before you were even born.

If your FIL has done nothing at all to bring this up or brag about his past military life in ways intended to belittle you -- then this is inside your own mind, and I agree with other posters here that you should pursue therapy as soon as possible. You seem to be unable to separate his job, many years back, from who he is now, and how he treats you now. You seem unable to step back and see people as they fit into the larger world, and that is a crucial skill for any adult to have. You are seeing his long-ago military service as something personally aimed at you; why? Please get help and perspective before this affects your marriage. Do you talk to your husband about this at all or is this only something you've vented about here? [/quote]

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