Anonymous wrote:What do I tell my husband about his father? I am from Russia. His father is ex-U.S. military. He flew bombers armed with atomic bombs targeted on my motherland. I cannot get over that had he been asked he would have killed me and my family just b/c we were Russian. I do not want him in my house.

OP, if your father-in-law currently talks to you about how he "would have killed you and your family" back then, or he criticizes you just because of your nationality, or he seems to take pleasure in reminding you that he had power over Russians' lives -- then yes, that is a serious problem that your husband must address with his father, and your father-in-law must be told to stop.

But you don't say that that's what is happening here; you do not indicate that your FIL uses anti-Russian slurs or treats you, personally, right now, badly because you are Russian, or that he crows about how he flew bombs over your country years (maybe decades) before you were even born.

If your FIL has done nothing at all to bring this up or brag about his past military life in ways intended to belittle you -- then this is inside your own mind, and I agree with other posters here that you should pursue therapy as soon as possible. You seem to be unable to separate his job, many years back, from who he is now, and how he treats you now. You seem unable to step back and see people as they fit into the larger world, and that is a crucial skill for any adult to have. You are seeing his long-ago military service as something personally aimed at you; why? Please get help and perspective before this affects your marriage. Do you talk to your husband about this at all or is this only something you've vented about here?

Dad always said it wasn't Mom's fault that her family fought on the wrong side in the war. This is the same thing. It'll be fine OP.

It will be okay, OP. Spring is coming and when it's warmer you can take off your crazy pants.

Anonymous wrote:Bombers with atomic bombs targeting Russia???? Huh? This does not even make any sense. Sarah Palin is this you? Can you see Russia from your back yard? I am calling an anti-Russian troll.

Uh, it was called the Cold War. Do you remember Mutual Assured Destruction? My father was a B-52 pilot. He carried nuclear weapons. They were always on alert, meaning ther was always someone in the air at all times ready to go should the President have pushed the button. The U.S. nuclear arsenal was built on three legs: ICBMs, SLBMs and nuclear armed bombers, all targeting the USSR.

I joined the State Department in the early 1990s and was stationed in Russia for four years. My parents came to visit. When we were standing on Red Square my father said he thought he'd never see this place other than through a bomb site!

However, he was a big big military history buff, and he visited every single monument, museum, etc. related to the Soviet fighting in WWII. When we visited St. Petersburg, we woke up and he was gone. He had already found his way to the Seige of Leningrad Museum - and he did not speak a word of Russian!

OP needs to get over the history! It's not as if OP's FIL held any animosity towards the Russians. He was just assigned a role to play, just as their were others on the other side playing a similar role.