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[quote=Anonymous]This is just another point of view, because a)I GET IT.
b) I am on your side.

Is it possible that she is trying to entrench herself into your lives and redefine her role, to one where she feels welcome/is welcome?

The behaviors you cite (all annoying, BTW) are those of someone who needs to be reminded that they have a place of permanence in your life.
1) The waffle iron (I plan to be eating breakfast at your home for years to come).
2) The robes (We plan to visit often and will be making ourselves at home
3) The glasses (We are cool buddies and will have a cold one with you from time to time-be ready for it!)
4) The steak (I recognize that your wife has a talent for this and one of the things we do together is eat this delicious thing your wife is so wonderful because she does it so well and I could never do it.)
5) The feeding the baby thing (In families, we tease and say goofy things about each other but we still love each other at the end of the day, you stinkyface.)

It sounds like you are the closest thing to a child that she has. She has never known the fatigue of life with a baby, let alone twins, and could not fathom how huge a PITA it would be to set up all of these fantasy scenarios for her because you and your DW have NO SPARE TIME, NO SPARE ENERGY, and NO EXTRA CASH (I assume....we don't).

She has an idea of how she's like your visits to be, and is trying to set the stage in your home and her own, including menu prep. (A parent of a toddler or 2 does menu prep like this: Oh crap. It is 4:45.  Do we have spaghetti? A person with NOTHING TO DO takes another approach. Ahem)

I read a great book called The Explosive Child when I was in therapy re: my parent with a narcissistic personality disorder.  You have kids. You have no time to read it.  I say you take her stuff and put it in the "I'm totally ignoring that (the steaks....yeah. That didn't work out.)" box, the "That was annoying, I'm going to do it anyway (frost the glasses, and ask her to bring some for you 2 so you can all match)" and "No way in hell" box. (Don't smoke around my kid. Don't talk about me in front of my kid. Don't drive with my kid w/o a car seat or after having alcohol...) The NO WAY IN HELL box can be you, as a DAD/MAN, just saying, "Hey Jane. We don't do that. Just don't." If she is hurt, ignore that. Some things are your job as a parent and setting the tone and the boundary. It isn't OK for her or anyone to critique your parenting to your kid, but some mother/son relationships include a degree of "Daddy is a bumbling idiot and I know more" loving teasing. She may have seen this among her friends. She probably considers your kids her grandkids, but, she hasn't earn that with you and she is not your mom.

Someone also told me when I was about 35 "adults stay at hotels." I get that it would hurt your dad, but he may not really enjoy the earful he gets from your SM about her unappreciated advice.  She is more like a mother-in-law and maybe you can detach from her demands in this way, as you would for your wife's parents, do that to give peace to your dad.  You can use the whole, "The kids are bad sleepers," and "We need a pool" routine. You could also say your wife has an allergy to the cat that has been dead for 10 years or that you have "points" so you might as well. Have them come meet you at the hotel from breakfast and then plan the day.  The neutralizing walls of a lobby designed by a corporation do wonders for family affairs.

She loves you. She is just bad at it. You also have all of the "cards" here, because you have your life ahead of you and you have the grandkids. 
You don't have to love her back.  You do owe it to your wife & kids to not go nuts, and if you separate from your dad b/c of her, your kids miss out on getting to know your dad.  That would suck. 
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