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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How do you handle/reconcile your feelings if you are really disappointed in your parents as grandparents?  In our case, my parents and DH's parents are each divorced, so we have 4 sets of grandparents.  Each set is disappointing and uninvolved!  Is it a baby boomer thing?  I don't know but it upsets a lot.  For example, one set basically never visits or even calls the kids.  Another calls occasionally and visits a couple of times of years but just doesn't connect beyond that.  One of my parents have depression issues (I think), so I give them a pass for lack of involvement, but it still disappoints.  The final set is very involved with a sibling and his kids - think visiting for weeks at a time, going to all the kids big events and birthdays, etc. and knowing/caring about all sort of things in their lives.

I supposed because we're coming off a holiday season where my parents didn't visit us at all - but visited each of my siblings - there is a lot of hurt.  My parents don't even know enough about my kids to pick out a X-mas gift for them, so they sent cash inside a card.  I hated that - it felt like they were checking a box, like, "ok, sent those kids a gift" but there was nothing festive or personal about it.  After finalizing plans with the siblings, my dad would say "oh, we should come and see the kids sometime" but wouldn't commit to even a vague time frame.  And, well, here we are at the end of Jan. and the holidays are long over and no visit and no mention of actually doing it.[/quote]

It isn't a boomer thing.  My parents are pre-war.  They decided to be vacation and holiday grandparents.  Can't change what kind of grandparents they want to be.  If you want your children to have a decent relationship with them, you have to be the one who travels (around their schedules) to them 4 times out of 5.  We tell them what to buy for Christmas and Birthdays.  Now, at 14 and 16, they just send a check.  There is also a discrepancy between how much time and frequently they visit us verses my sibling which makes it even more difficult, but it is what it is.

No amount of wishing things were different or talking to them asking for a bit more has helped.  They are who they are and I have tried to accept that.   I have been successful for the most part, but every once in a while it will bubble up again.

DH's parents were burned out of being grandparents and MIL was in the early stages of dementia when eldest was born.

If it is any consolation, since they don't develop strong bonds, they don't have a hard time when they die.

Look around, there are tons of grandparent local material, adopt them.

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