Reply to When no one else will admit they can't afford something

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I suppose I have a dissenting opinion. Clearly, seeing your family is important for your in-laws. It seems to be important for your husband as well.  It is a pretty reasonable position. Kids grow and change tremendously in a year. In this particular case, I think FAMILY TRUMPS MONEY.

Now, you can be financially responsible about visiting. If you feel so uncomfortable about accepting help, or embarrassed to air your financial circumstances, then the onus is on you to find a way to make visiting happen WITHOUT GOING INTO DEBT. Cut cable, stop eating out/ordering in, only shop at thrift stores, sell a car, etc.

YOU were the one who made the poor financial decisions earlier. Don't punish your in-laws for your mistakes. Find a way to save that money. Your choices are not just to accept a handout or go into debt. Where there's a will, there's a way. Sounds like you just don't want to find a way. [/quote]

PP here, Op said she offered every other year and was willing to work hard and sacrifice to do that and in-laws won't accept that. if this was a one time grandma's 100th birthday that would mean one thing but 2-3K every year plus digging out of debt/issues is a lot of pressure. As crazy as it sounds generosity can be selfish if you use it to try to control people in some way.  If someone isn't comfortable and you continue to push it, I don't think that's right. When people can't afford something for whatever reason I don't think you run roughshod over their pride.  My mom doesn't like going out to eat with me paying all the time.  I don't insist we go to the restaurant I want to go to because why should we both miss out since she chose a profession that doesn't pay a lot.  My mom will pick a place that is affordable with good food and she will pay the tip. I get to eat somewhere with decent food and spend time with my mom.  No one feels dependent in the relationship, everyone has their pride intact, and we have a good time.[/quote]

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