Reply to Child care for to-be-adopted infant in the DC area.. overwhelmed.

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Reply to "Child care for to-be-adopted infant in the DC area.. overwhelmed."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When adopting, it's best to nurture attachment relationships, which is why a nanny would be best emotionallly for the child, and a nanny-share would be best financially for you while still coming as close to the emotional needs as possible. Please keep in mind this baby will be going through a trauma, and trauma can alter brain chemistry.[/quote]

Great point. Maybe we'll look at finding a way to afford a nanny or nanny share for the first year (particularly as I work from home.. but I have set hours) so I can spend some time w/kid during the day.[/quote]

Another point of view on this subject is that you want to foster attachment with your family, not with anyone and everyone.  Some adoption professionals counsel you away from nannys and into daycares where there is more than one provider so that the primary attachment does not become to the nanny.  [/quote]

Wow, that sounds like awful advice! The best care for any child fosters attachment with stable caregivers. I would want to see that attachment at a daycare or with a nanny. It seems especially important for an adopted kid to have secure attachments to all caregivers.[/quote]

Nope, it's a legitimate way of dealing with attachment. [/quote]

For a toddler or preschooler, especially one coming from an institution, who has a lot of catching up to do in figuring out what a "mom" or "dad" or "home" is, having the daycare environment be less homelike can help.  A school like environment, which is more formal and has a little more boundaries for the kid, can be a good choice, and helps the kid differentiate between "mom" and "teacher".  Of course you still want stability in caregivers, but if a teacher does leave it's easier for a child to understand that "teachers sometimes leave, but mommies and daddies are forever" than when mommy, daddy, and nanny are all performing very similar roles in the same or similar settings.

I'm reading this as the OP is doing a domestic adoption a young infant, both because she uses the word "infant", and because she talks about completely unpredictable timelines.  In that case, there's not reason to have this concern, and the OP should feel confident in choosing the same form of childcare she would have chosen otherwise.  The only complications are that she can't give a center a due date, and that if the baby is transracially adopted she might or might not care about having exposure to caregivers or classmates that share the child's race.

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