Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When adopting, it's best to nurture attachment relationships, which is why a nanny would be best emotionallly for the child, and a nanny-share would be best financially for you while still coming as close to the emotional needs as possible. Please keep in mind this baby will be going through a trauma, and trauma can alter brain chemistry.

Great point. Maybe we'll look at finding a way to afford a nanny or nanny share for the first year (particularly as I work from home.. but I have set hours) so I can spend some time w/kid during the day.

Another point of view on this subject is that you want to foster attachment with your family, not with anyone and everyone. Some adoption professionals counsel you away from nannys and into daycares where there is more than one provider so that the primary attachment does not become to the nanny.

Wow, that sounds like awful advice! The best care for any child fosters attachment with stable caregivers. I would want to see that attachment at a daycare or with a nanny. It seems especially important for an adopted kid to have secure attachments to all caregivers.

Nope, it's a legitimate way of dealing with attachment.

For a toddler or preschooler, especially one coming from an institution, who has a lot of catching up to do in figuring out what a "mom" or "dad" or "home" is, having the daycare environment be less homelike can help. A school like environment, which is more formal and has a little more boundaries for the kid, can be a good choice, and helps the kid differentiate between "mom" and "teacher". Of course you still want stability in caregivers, but if a teacher does leave it's easier for a child to understand that "teachers sometimes leave, but mommies and daddies are forever" than when mommy, daddy, and nanny are all performing very similar roles in the same or similar settings.

I'm reading this as the OP is doing a domestic adoption a young infant, both because she uses the word "infant", and because she talks about completely unpredictable timelines. In that case, there's not reason to have this concern, and the OP should feel confident in choosing the same form of childcare she would have chosen otherwise. The only complications are that she can't give a center a due date, and that if the baby is transracially adopted she might or might not care about having exposure to caregivers or classmates that share the child's race.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When adopting, it's best to nurture attachment relationships, which is why a nanny would be best emotionallly for the child, and a nanny-share would be best financially for you while still coming as close to the emotional needs as possible. Please keep in mind this baby will be going through a trauma, and trauma can alter brain chemistry.

Great point. Maybe we'll look at finding a way to afford a nanny or nanny share for the first year (particularly as I work from home.. but I have set hours) so I can spend some time w/kid during the day.

Another point of view on this subject is that you want to foster attachment with your family, not with anyone and everyone. Some adoption professionals counsel you away from nannys and into daycares where there is more than one provider so that the primary attachment does not become to the nanny.

Wow, that sounds like awful advice! The best care for any child fosters attachment with stable caregivers. I would want to see that attachment at a daycare or with a nanny. It seems especially important for an adopted kid to have secure attachments to all caregivers.

Nope, it's a legitimate way of dealing with attachment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When adopting, it's best to nurture attachment relationships, which is why a nanny would be best emotionallly for the child, and a nanny-share would be best financially for you while still coming as close to the emotional needs as possible. Please keep in mind this baby will be going through a trauma, and trauma can alter brain chemistry.

Great point. Maybe we'll look at finding a way to afford a nanny or nanny share for the first year (particularly as I work from home.. but I have set hours) so I can spend some time w/kid during the day.

Another point of view on this subject is that you want to foster attachment with your family, not with anyone and everyone. Some adoption professionals counsel you away from nannys and into daycares where there is more than one provider so that the primary attachment does not become to the nanny.

Wow, that sounds like awful advice! The best care for any child fosters attachment with stable caregivers. I would want to see that attachment at a daycare or with a nanny. It seems especially important for an adopted kid to have secure attachments to all caregivers.

$83 a month for a full day?

There is a wonderful at home daycare provider in S Arlington named Janeth. I don't recall her last name. She turned the guest house behind her home into a little child care and was wonderful. Hired part time assistants and always had a waiting list.

It has been over two years since she cared for my child but I believe that she charged $830 per month at that time. She is licensed by Arlington and you can get her contact info from the list of at home providers the county makes available.

I don't think it's "piling it on" to ask OP how she can be adopting but claim not be able to afford to quit her job or to hire a nanny. I thought this was going to be a post about securing childcare, not affording it. It's a really basic and essential expense for working parents.

Many daycares do not accept babies younger than 18 or 24 months. They can be great, DC went to one when DC turned 2. Remember, these expense will only last for four or so years, until your child enters public pre-K. Then if you work fulltime you will have to pay for aftercare, which runs several hundred a month.

FWIW, I paid a sitter $12 / $15 an hour in 1995, in DC, and the families I know, still in DC, are paying $20 an hour for sitters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Would you have to get a small house if you gave up your income? Unless you're high earning, I don't know how people can afford hired help. You can cut back on so many expenses if you look closely at the numbers. Outsourcing the childcare is a luxury not everyone can afford.

That being said, maybe you can find another mom to help you, and you can help her.

Our house is pretty small anyway. We have a three bedroom single family in S. Arlington built in the 1940s. We both work for nonprofit associations. We have ample savings and finances are not a problem because we're pretty frugal and fiscally responsible (read: cheap) and able to put a fair amount into savings each month. But child care just seems like an insurmountable massive jump in expenses and we're not sure where to fit the line between expense and quality. We're first time parents. I was in "bulk day care" and in small private care and was sexually abused in both so I'm nervous about it anyway. My husband's mom stayed home but it would be difficult for us to afford that.

Our only saving grace is that I work from home but I can't rely on that. Ideally we'd have someone in our home since I'll be here too but that just ups the cost.

Thanks everyone for your kind advice.

I'm not sure what you're really, truly asking. You said you can't afford day care or a nanny, or to quit your job. Well - you have to do one of these things. You have to! It's not going to be easy, but no one can say which of these is best for you. People poorer than you have babies in the DC metro area ALL THE TIME. Do what we've all done - make it work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in S. Arlington. I have been reading here and am overwhelmed at the idea of paying $20/hour.. we just don't have that kind of money to be spending $40k/year on child care.

Then, obviously, you cannot afford a chlld. I am not a na.ny but FYI, nannies are also human beings sand need to make a livable wage so they, too, have shelter, food, transportation, etc. Why can't you stay home a.d take care of child?

Troll. Don't be such a jerk.

Try care.com to find an in-home service (in their home where they can take a few more kids). I found a few DC centers in Alexandria (Old Town Area) that were ~2K/month.

Anonymous wrote:I live in S. Arlington. I have been reading here and am overwhelmed at the idea of paying $20/hour.. we just don't have that kind of money to be spending $40k/year on child care.

There is no need to pay $20/hr, you can find wonderful applicants at around $15/hr for one baby.

Alternatively, you can look into nanny shares, which should run between $18-$22/hr, split between two families.

Another alternative is a small home daycare.

Don't want to pile on, but surely you should have thought about childcare options before starting down this road. You can at least research your options and see how you feel about them. Certainly you should know whether you plan to stay home or work.

Anonymous wrote:I live in S. Arlington. I have been reading here and am overwhelmed at the idea of paying $20/hour.. we just don't have that kind of money to be spending $40k/year on child care.

Then, obviously, you cannot afford a chlld. I am not a na.ny but FYI, nannies are also human beings sand need to make a livable wage so they, too, have shelter, food, transportation, etc. Why can't you stay home a.d take care of child?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When adopting, it's best to nurture attachment relationships, which is why a nanny would be best emotionallly for the child, and a nanny-share would be best financially for you while still coming as close to the emotional needs as possible. Please keep in mind this baby will be going through a trauma, and trauma can alter brain chemistry.

Great point. Maybe we'll look at finding a way to afford a nanny or nanny share for the first year (particularly as I work from home.. but I have set hours) so I can spend some time w/kid during the day.

Another point of view on this subject is that you want to foster attachment with your family, not with anyone and everyone. Some adoption professionals counsel you away from nannys and into daycares where there is more than one provider so that the primary attachment does not become to the nanny.

Please explain further...

I'm not sure I will do this justice - it's been years since I last adopted. But some believe that in order to foster the attachment relationship with the parents, you initially you have to limit the contact between the child and the rest of the world. If you can't because you need childcare or you don't want to because you don't want to or feel its necessary to totally isolate, then the thought is limit the contact. You do this by not allowing others to perform the intimate functions (feeding, bathing, rocking, diaper changing, and holding). If you can't eliminate having others, outside of the family, from doing these functions then you avoid having a single other person doing them so that you aren't promoting attachment to someone other than a parent. Once you have a solid attachment to the parents (and you might want to read about attachment and the different types of attachment issues, such as fragile attachment), then you gradually promote other relationships.

Anonymous wrote:
Would you have to get a small house if you gave up your income? Unless you're high earning, I don't know how people can afford hired help. You can cut back on so many expenses if you look closely at the numbers. Outsourcing the childcare is a luxury not everyone can afford.

That being said, maybe you can find another mom to help you, and you can help her.

Our house is pretty small anyway. We have a three bedroom single family in S. Arlington built in the 1940s. We both work for nonprofit associations. We have ample savings and finances are not a problem because we're pretty frugal and fiscally responsible (read: cheap) and able to put a fair amount into savings each month. But child care just seems like an insurmountable massive jump in expenses and we're not sure where to fit the line between expense and quality. We're first time parents. I was in "bulk day care" and in small private care and was sexually abused in both so I'm nervous about it anyway. My husband's mom stayed home but it would be difficult for us to afford that.

Our only saving grace is that I work from home but I can't rely on that. Ideally we'd have someone in our home since I'll be here too but that just ups the cost.

Thanks everyone for your kind advice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When adopting, it's best to nurture attachment relationships, which is why a nanny would be best emotionallly for the child, and a nanny-share would be best financially for you while still coming as close to the emotional needs as possible. Please keep in mind this baby will be going through a trauma, and trauma can alter brain chemistry.

Great point. Maybe we'll look at finding a way to afford a nanny or nanny share for the first year (particularly as I work from home.. but I have set hours) so I can spend some time w/kid during the day.

Another point of view on this subject is that you want to foster attachment with your family, not with anyone and everyone. Some adoption professionals counsel you away from nannys and into daycares where there is more than one provider so that the primary attachment does not become to the nanny.

Please explain further...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When adopting, it's best to nurture attachment relationships, which is why a nanny would be best emotionallly for the child, and a nanny-share would be best financially for you while still coming as close to the emotional needs as possible. Please keep in mind this baby will be going through a trauma, and trauma can alter brain chemistry.

Great point. Maybe we'll look at finding a way to afford a nanny or nanny share for the first year (particularly as I work from home.. but I have set hours) so I can spend some time w/kid during the day.

Another point of view on this subject is that you want to foster attachment with your family, not with anyone and everyone. Some adoption professionals counsel you away from nannys and into daycares where there is more than one provider so that the primary attachment does not become to the nanny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When adopting, it's best to nurture attachment relationships, which is why a nanny would be best emotionallly for the child, and a nanny-share would be best financially for you while still coming as close to the emotional needs as possible. Please keep in mind this baby will be going through a trauma, and trauma can alter brain chemistry.

Great point. Maybe we'll look at finding a way to afford a nanny or nanny share for the first year (particularly as I work from home.. but I have set hours) so I can spend some time w/kid during the day.

Would you have to get a small house if you gave up your income? Unless you're high earning, I don't know how people can afford hired help. You can cut back on so many expenses if you look closely at the numbers. Outsourcing the childcare is a luxury not everyone can afford.

That being said, maybe you can find another mom to help you, and you can help her.