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[quote=Anonymous]OP here.  It's pretty amazing - the collective responses pretty accurately picked up on the dynamic in what I didn't say and also helped me calibrate my response.  So thanks!

I actually don't mind that MIL really wanted her own celebration at home (apparently...she never actually said that).  I don't think we bullied them.  Essentially, we said the baby can't come down, and we have all this space here, would you like to host your usual party here?  I mention the smallness because it's been a complaint that everyone has had in past years...the living room is about 8" x 8" and v full of furniture, so everyone grumbles (not me, I just go along) as they bump into each other and trip over presents, etc.  Anyway, I would have been FINE with, "we'll do our usual and see you another time" or "we'll stop by your house in the afternoon beforehand and do our usual without you" or "We'd rather not spend Christmas with you at all you weird asthmatic abrasive bitch", but instead we got, "Great! We'll bring all the food and presents!" and then only stayed till sundown (it's usually an evening thing) and never said anything about doing the usual at home without us.  Honestly, I'd much rather have just hosted them for bruch or something totally different than have MIL puttering in my kitchen all day for a Potemkin Party when the real one was later.

Xmas dinner was mostly a poor communication or passivity issue on my husband's part, as apparently he just issued an open invite and assumed some or all would come since they usually didn't have a Chrisymas Day dinner planned.

I do appreciate them coming here.  I just don't get the subterfuge, and I think my husband feels bad that everyone else was "in on" alternate plans but no one told him.  It's all just weird, and I guess it was a good dry run for us to work this crap out in the next few years before the kid will notice![/quote]

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