Reply to Only one date, how to let down

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes....send the message.  Make it unambiguous.  Some people want things to work out, and will read anything that can be used to let down easily as a a chance.  Some of these people are simply naive.  Watch the romantic comedies:  how many started when she blows him off, but they end up together (e.g., When Harry Met Sally).

I know.  I am a male, and when in college, I misread the social cues, and did not realize I was stalking a girl.  She was totally freaked out by me -- and I thought I was doing romantic things.  She never said no.  She said things like, "I am busy then."  This was before rampant electronic communications...So I arranged to run into her.  One day, the campus police talked to me.  My only defense was that she never said no....only not today.  I thought she was hinting at me.  I apologized to her (through the police).  I saw her once after that, about 2 years later, as I was leaving Blacksburg for the last time (at the gas station).  She said hi, and that was it....or was it an opening :).  I have no idea where she lives, nor do I care.

My point is guys often get mixed messages...some women want to be pursued...hard to get.  [b]There is a line between stalking and romance.  It is a fine line.  It has to be drawn unambiguosly.  [/b]"I am not interested in going out with you. "   [/quote]

So you were young and naive and we live in a culture that likes to pretend this is a fine line ... but no, it's not. There's not a fine line between stalking and romance, and women don't need to draw that line unambiguously. Men need to realize (and need to be taught--because you're right, there are a lot of messages to the contrary in movies and other cultural narratives)--but everyone needs to realize that "romance" involves enthusiastic consent. You need to hear a pretty clear "yes please." [/quote]

Not disagreeing here, just pointing out that if a culture still expects the male to make the first move by expressing an interest to date, then the next move is the females'.  Either she says a pretty clear "Yes please" or she says a pretty clear "No, Thank you!".

An "ummm...maybe...some other time...I am busy right now" is an unambiguous statement.

So, for the sake of equality (and not assigning gender roles) - if one person asks the other for a date, the other person should be unambiguous in their response.
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