Anonymous wrote:OP here I sent the nice message suggested and got back:

"It's your loss, you won't find better"

Yeah, red flags folks...

Anonymous wrote:OP here I sent the nice message suggested and got back:

"It's your loss, you won't find better"

Yeah, red flags folks...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes....send the message. Make it unambiguous. Some people want things to work out, and will read anything that can be used to let down easily as a a chance. Some of these people are simply naive. Watch the romantic comedies: how many started when she blows him off, but they end up together (e.g., When Harry Met Sally).

I know. I am a male, and when in college, I misread the social cues, and did not realize I was stalking a girl. She was totally freaked out by me -- and I thought I was doing romantic things. She never said no. She said things like, "I am busy then." This was before rampant electronic communications...So I arranged to run into her. One day, the campus police talked to me. My only defense was that she never said no....only not today. I thought she was hinting at me. I apologized to her (through the police). I saw her once after that, about 2 years later, as I was leaving Blacksburg for the last time (at the gas station). She said hi, and that was it....or was it an opening . I have no idea where she lives, nor do I care.

My point is guys often get mixed messages...some women want to be pursued...hard to get. There is a line between stalking and romance. It is a fine line. It has to be drawn unambiguosly. "I am not interested in going out with you. "

So you were young and naive and we live in a culture that likes to pretend this is a fine line ... but no, it's not. There's not a fine line between stalking and romance, and women don't need to draw that line unambiguously. Men need to realize (and need to be taught--because you're right, there are a lot of messages to the contrary in movies and other cultural narratives)--but everyone needs to realize that "romance" involves enthusiastic consent. You need to hear a pretty clear "yes please."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes....send the message. Make it unambiguous. Some people want things to work out, and will read anything that can be used to let down easily as a a chance. Some of these people are simply naive. Watch the romantic comedies: how many started when she blows him off, but they end up together (e.g., When Harry Met Sally).

I know. I am a male, and when in college, I misread the social cues, and did not realize I was stalking a girl. She was totally freaked out by me -- and I thought I was doing romantic things. She never said no. She said things like, "I am busy then." This was before rampant electronic communications...So I arranged to run into her. One day, the campus police talked to me. My only defense was that she never said no....only not today. I thought she was hinting at me. I apologized to her (through the police). I saw her once after that, about 2 years later, as I was leaving Blacksburg for the last time (at the gas station). She said hi, and that was it....or was it an opening . I have no idea where she lives, nor do I care.

My point is guys often get mixed messages...some women want to be pursued...hard to get. There is a line between stalking and romance. It is a fine line. It has to be drawn unambiguously. "I am not interested in going out with you. "

So you were young and naive and we live in a culture that likes to pretend this is a fine line ... but no, it's not. There's not a fine line between stalking and romance, and women don't need to draw that line unambiguously. Men need to realize (and need to be taught--because you're right, there are a lot of messages to the contrary in movies and other cultural narratives)--but everyone needs to realize that "romance" involves enthusiastic consent. You need to hear a pretty clear "yes please."

Not disagreeing here, just pointing out that if a culture still expects the male to make the first move by expressing an interest to date, then the next move is the females'. Either she says a pretty clear "Yes please" or she says a pretty clear "No, Thank you!".

An "ummm...maybe...some other time...I am busy right now" is an ambiguous statement.

So, for the sake of equality (and not assigning gender roles) - if one person asks the other for a date, the other person should be unambiguous in their response.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:fade to black

totally normal and acceptable

No. It's awful. Don't do this.

AWFUL?

after one date?

come on. you go on a date. the other person calls/texts/emails and gets no response. they might send one more after that...and then its done.

three or four dates? definitely need some clarity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes....send the message. Make it unambiguous. Some people want things to work out, and will read anything that can be used to let down easily as a a chance. Some of these people are simply naive. Watch the romantic comedies: how many started when she blows him off, but they end up together (e.g., When Harry Met Sally).

I know. I am a male, and when in college, I misread the social cues, and did not realize I was stalking a girl. She was totally freaked out by me -- and I thought I was doing romantic things. She never said no. She said things like, "I am busy then." This was before rampant electronic communications...So I arranged to run into her. One day, the campus police talked to me. My only defense was that she never said no....only not today. I thought she was hinting at me. I apologized to her (through the police). I saw her once after that, about 2 years later, as I was leaving Blacksburg for the last time (at the gas station). She said hi, and that was it....or was it an opening . I have no idea where she lives, nor do I care.

My point is guys often get mixed messages...some women want to be pursued...hard to get. There is a line between stalking and romance. It is a fine line. It has to be drawn unambiguosly. "I am not interested in going out with you. "

So you were young and naive and we live in a culture that likes to pretend this is a fine line ... but no, it's not. There's not a fine line between stalking and romance, and women don't need to draw that line unambiguously. Men need to realize (and need to be taught--because you're right, there are a lot of messages to the contrary in movies and other cultural narratives)--but everyone needs to realize that "romance" involves enthusiastic consent. You need to hear a pretty clear "yes please."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:fade to black

totally normal and acceptable

No. It's awful. Don't do this.

Anonymous wrote:Yes....send the message. Make it unambiguous. Some people want things to work out, and will read anything that can be used to let down easily as a a chance. Some of these people are simply naive. Watch the romantic comedies: how many started when she blows him off, but they end up together (e.g., When Harry Met Sally).

I know. I am a male, and when in college, I misread the social cues, and did not realize I was stalking a girl. She was totally freaked out by me -- and I thought I was doing romantic things. She never said no. She said things like, "I am busy then." This was before rampant electronic communications...So I arranged to run into her. One day, the campus police talked to me. My only defense was that she never said no....only not today. I thought she was hinting at me. I apologized to her (through the police). I saw her once after that, about 2 years later, as I was leaving Blacksburg for the last time (at the gas station). She said hi, and that was it....or was it an opening . I have no idea where she lives, nor do I care.

My point is guys often get mixed messages...some women want to be pursued...hard to get. There is a line between stalking and romance. It is a fine line. It has to be drawn unambiguosly. "I am not interested in going out with you. "

Anonymous wrote:fade to black

totally normal and acceptable