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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]15:12 here.  For me, I just kind of wished my folks had talked to me about what was going on and what they were doing about it, but I'm not scarred for life.

I can't speak for my husband.  [b]I know he has a lot of lingering anger at his dad for "allowing a crazy person" to be his primary caregiver and for not insisting she seek treatment.[/b]  His mom's excuse is that she's actually mentally ill; his dad isn't.  But his parents are still together . . . so very different dynamic.  And with primary physical custody, you have already solved the biggest problem.[/quote]

Maybe it's because of my experiences dealing with mental illnesses,[b] but I really agree with your husband. I get very angry at the people who know something is not right, see it affecting people (particularly kids), and then just do nothing about it.[/b] I really blame them much more than the person who is mentally ill.

The anger gets you no where, but it's mighty hard to let go of.[/quote]

NP here.

The bolded parts are exactly me. My mother is clearly mentally ill - has been most of her life and yet, the people who could have done something about it turned a blind eye because they were afraid of the rage. She has destroyed our family. I have a toddler my parents have never met and my father begs my mother to just accept my olive branch of "we don't have to resolve it all but you should meet your grandchild" and she refuses. The totally screwed up part? My dad won't just call me. He's so scared of her that he's let her rob him of a relationship with his daughter and my child. That right there is mental illness and how far reaching it can be.

OP, 4 is too young to bring it up, but at some point you have to figure out how to address this because during visitation with a mentally ill parent the child could find him/herself in danger. This is tough water to navigate. I actually think you need a professional opinion on this - a therapist? Psychiatrist? I'm not sure who it would be but someone needs to guide you in not only telling your child about the situation but also timing when your little one is old enough to be briefed on "what's normal and safe behavior" vs. what's not.[/quote]

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