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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
[b]Ethically, you cannot let your family member starve in the gutter, however irresponsibly and ungrateful they are[/b].

Case in point: my grandmother. Inherited a ton of money, blew through it without helping her 7 children who were all in financial difficulty as young adults, then SUED her children for financial support once her money ran out. Her middle-aged children sold all her stuff, and with that capital and an agree-upon allowance pooled from all their income, she managed to live the rest of her life very frugally, but decently.

So OP, don't stop helping your mother, but be firm as a rock. Make a plan with your husband and agree to let her have an allowance every month for $X. No more, no less. Help her out by pulling all administrative strings she could be eligible for (Medicare, SS, etc?). You could also make a larger plan with all of your siblings so that everyone understands what the goal is - let your mother live decently but minimize the enabling.

Good luck.

[/quote]

I am as open-hearted and empathetic as they come, but I don't think you can make that blanket statement above. There are people who happen to be parents who will blow thru EVERYTHING THEY GET -- AND KEEP COMING BACK FOR MORE. I think the ETHICAL  thing to do is not enable dysfunction and often that means stopping the hand outs. When you co-sign on crazy, that hurts more than it helps. You have to be able to say NO at some point. Financial irresponsibility is an addiction.[/quote]

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