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[quote=Anonymous]OP, have you been very straight forward with your DH about what you need from him?  My DH often likes to whine to me about stuff and I tend to be the kind of person who likes to find solutions as opposed to just hearing complaints.  When he doesn't want my feedback, he specifically says "I just need to vent" and I know to just listen and nod and feel bad with him (even though this is against my natural tendencies).  I would try this with your DH so that he knows what you need from him when you're sad about this situation.

I would probably also take the same approach with your brother's ex.  Tell her you're sorry he was such a bad husband or made bad decisions and then say "but he's my brother and we grew up together and I still love him.  We would love to bury a small amount of his ashes with my mother and brother.  We would love any memoriabilia that might still be around."  If you empathize with her and validate her feelings, then you can possibly ask her for some of these things in a less charged way.

I'm sorry, OP.  This sounds tough.[/quote]

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