Reply to Pressure from estranged grandparents wanting contact with grandkids and me

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Reply to "Pressure from estranged grandparents wanting contact with grandkids and me"

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[quote=Anonymous]Boy, does your post resonate with me.  I totally understand the 'info is power' dynamic, the manipulation and the façade.  I know people in my hometown can't believe how ungrateful my siblings and I are to my mother!  Why, she's a pillar of society, a do-gooder whose kids just don't appreciate her.  They have no idea what she and my father did to us.  We, too, grew up on a farm and the neighbors could never hear what was going on at our  house.

You ask, 'Where is the line between forgiveness and giving up your truth?'.  I, myself, don't use the term 'forgiveness'.  For me, the word is too loaded and means different things to different people.  I usually say I've 'moved on' from how I grew up.  I don't think you have to draw a line between what you call 'forgiveness' and your truth.  You may have moved on fro how you grew up but it is still a part of you and affects your relationships, especially with your parents.  I firmly believe that as an adult you get to choose who your family is.  My three kids all know how I grew up and why I don't have a relationship with my parents.  I consider it part of teaching them that you can accept someone's apology, it doesn't mean you have to be their friend.  In your case, your parents haven't even apologized or acknowledged their abuse.  What does it matter if they're 'family'?  Why would you allow your kids to have  relationship with people who behave that way?[/quote]

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