Reply to Pressure from estranged grandparents wanting contact with grandkids and me

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Pressure from estranged grandparents wanting contact with grandkids and me"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]OP again -- Thanks for all your comments/advice.  I really appreciate it.

Regarding Christmas timing -- I think they start working on their gift list (it's a big deal for GPs - right?) and realize they know nothing about my kids.  In recent years, they have sent a check for my kids and I either return it or toss it.  It's blood money to me.  That's their MO -- use $ to own you.  I'm sure they also hear about other townspeople's holiday plans and they want to have something similar to report.  So, they have a holiday dinner like normal families do.  It's all a sham.  That's what sticks in my craw -- It would feel like I was acquiesing to their re-written history and giving them evidence to tout to themselves and others in the town (evidence that they are terrific parents and one big happy family).

If it was just an hour's car ride away, I suppose I could handle a meet/greet and leave.  But, the fact that interacting with them (ever) requires plane reservations, car rental, hotel, etc. makes it a significant mental commitment.  I suppose there is some little kernel in me that would enjoy claimimg victory over them -- see them in their old age and desperate neediness and know that I am in the power position now -- they do not own me.  ("You are small and I am big").  But, I know they will try to take credit for my accomplishments and use it to fortify their charade of history.

Currently, none of the other grandkids are banned from them.  The emotional manipulation had something to do with extracting info. about me from my brother's young kids and then using it to make the kids feel bad that GPs weren't included in the activity that involved me and my family.  There may be more to it than that, but my SIL was none too happy with GPs and they kept their kids away from GPs for a year or so even though they lived in the same small town.  They no longer live in that town/state, so I wouldn't really have any other reason to go to that state/town.

I'm sure that GPs would try to buy my kids anythng and everything if they ever met.  My former counselor said that a lot of time people who were bad parents turn out to be decent GPs b/c they don't have all the responsibilities and stresses of raising children.  They mellow with age and can focus on being more of a giver rather than a dictator.  So, I'm not especially worried about GPs mistreating my kids --GPs would just be their usual weird, socially-dense selves, who try too hard to get my kids to like them, with too many desperate clingy expectations.

This is exhausting!

We already have plans for Christmas time so we won't be going to the holiday dinner.  But this issue will continue month after month.

As a mother, I know that I would be heart-broken if I didn't see one of my children for 25 years.  I have accepted what has happened and I have "forgiven" in the sense that I'm not filled with anger, hate or hurt.  I understand now that it wasn't about me being a bad kid.  I understand that they had too many kids/demands that they couldn't handle well.

Where is the line between forgiveness and giving up your truth?  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics