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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I used to lie to my mom for the same reasons many pps are telling you.  Telling her the truth was scary.  I'd get disciplined, get things taken away, had to deal with my mom's disappointment, etc.  Much easier to lie.  You also mention that her sister found the unfinished homework in the trash and told you.  is the other sister better behaved,  does better in school, has screen time, etc?  Your daughter may have realized that she is the screw up kid, so why bother?   I also had a perfect brother.   I am also adopted and used to think "I'm such a screw up, they probably regret adopting me."

your post makes me so sad.  I recognize myself as your daughter and you as my mom.   She was so resistant to the fact that she waa doing things to make the dynamic worse, that it took years for us to have any kind of trusting and close relationship.    I hope you will re read these posts and think about them rather than being dismissive.[/quote]

Yes, her older sibling is only 4 months older and a [b]straight A student with printer quality handwriting[/b]. We try so hard not to compare her to her sister. We never say stuff like "Your sister never does that" or "Why can't you be like sister?" We have known since they were infants that one would always be [b]more advanced[/b] than the other. Funny thing is sister who is so "perfect" is extremely shy around anybody else except family while this little girl is a social butterfly always flitting about. Kind of neat how they seem to make up for the [b]shortcomings[/b] of each other. And the next set of siblings are 19 years apart in age so not much comparison there.  With this little girl I've known almost from day one(she came home at 7 months after spending her first months of life in an institution) that she was different, that she would struggle- you know how a mother just knows these things? She was slow on all her early childhood benchmarks and had and still has some sensory integration issues. All this has made me want to protect her all that more. I can't even begin to understand how difficult it must be for parents of handicapped children to NOT coddle and hover over their children.

I think what I will do about the chips is let her have a reasonable amt of chips as snack two days a week after school if the other days are fresh fruit and let her decide and keep track.

Not sure what else I can do but I'm always open for suggestions,  thanks all[/quote]

I've highlighted the judgmental words in your post, especially "shortcomings."  You don't seem to even be aware of it.  You don't have to say anything, your DD knows she's the lesser child.

You say you want suggestions?  This thread has many very specific suggestions.  It doesn't sound like you are open to following any of them, including easing up on the potato chips.   What are you going to do if she sneaks potato chips a third time?  Take away screen time for infinity?

You aren't getting it.  Please go back and read this entire thread.[/quote]

While this PP and others raise some valid points, I think you should cut this mother some slack. She may be too strict about some things, and clearly frustrated, but she is just being honest about her feelings. I don't think it is possible never to compare your children, or never to think of them in terms of their strengths and weaknesses. One of the things that gives me pause when I think about adopting is that I'm not sure how well I'd be able to handle a child who struggles academically. I grew up in a family of high achievers that valued education above all else. I'm no genius, but academics were always so easy for me, that even with my own daughter who is bright and not SN I sometimes find myself getting exasperated and yelling when she fails to grasp something that seems obvious. This mom adopted a child who has special challenges and accepted her as her own from the start. She doesn't yell, she is careful not to say hurtful things, and she spends a lot of time and energy on tutors and therapists to help her daughter succeed.

OP, I admire you, but if you cut yourself some slack and let the perfect nutrition and the homework checking and the screen time policing at your house slide for a bit, I think your kids would benefit too, both of them. Also, please don't take away outside time as punishment. Today's children spend too little time outside as it is. Time spent "just playing" is very important to all childrens' development, but I imagine active play to be especially important for a child who struggles to sit still and focus for long periods of time.  [/quote]

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