Reply to How to handle marriage where kid duty for medical appts is very uneven?

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Reply to "How to handle marriage where kid duty for medical appts is very uneven?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. [b] I think what might be driving my resentment some isn't just the appts, but also that now every night, as soon as DH gets home, he logs back on (gets off for dinner, bath, and bed) and is on until 11.30 each night.  All the stuff we used to share- cleaning up, getting kids' lunches and items prepped for the next day, etc.- usually falls on me now.[/b]

I agree that he should push back and say enough is enough at work, but...his job is the type where that means he's canceling meetings with Assistant Secretaries, Congressional members, etc.  He should be able to, but in practice, it just wouldn't fly.  Hopefully as things settle into place, he can start delegating responsibilities.

We have no family here to help out and I would not necessarily want a babysitter taking DS to his specialist appts anyway.[/quote]

Well, here's your real problem.  You can't fix having to do most of the appointments.  My DH travels a fair bit for part of the year, so I do the majority of those things during that time.  We have a policy that if he can, say, handle a sick day with our son or an appointment, he does, knowing that parts of the year I'll be doing virtually all of it.

But coming home and logging back on does sound like your real problem, and I think you need to talk about it.  Is this part of him adjusting to the new job?  Can he commit to only x nights per week?  Did you talk about how this new job would affect your at-home work patterns, or did this come as a surprise?  Does his promotion allow you to outsource something you hadn't been outsourcing before, like hiring a cleaning service?  When are you and DH getting any time as a couple?

Try to find a time to talk about it--send him an e-mail asking him for some time if you have to, or bring it up at a weekly date night.  I find that my DH often feels guilty when his work takes more hours, but he doesn't always say how appreciative he is of what I am doing until he gets to pause for a breath himself. [/quote]

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