Reply to How to handle marriage where kid duty for medical appts is very uneven?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you should accept it.  My husband's job has a lot more flexibility than mine.  He takes DS to almost all of his doctor's appointments.  We cannot change the expectations of our respective jobs, and the market is not good to be looking for new jobs.  Whenever I can, I take off to try to do a few appointments, but it isn't possible for me to do the majority of them.  It is possible for DH to do so.  Not everything will be equal, that is the reality of life.  [/quote]

This. I have a child that was born with a rare genetic disorder. I cannot even begin to tell you how many doctor visits and hospitalizations we endured the first years of her life. I ended up having to temporarily quit my job because finding answers to my daughter's mysterious problems became a full time job. A few things:

1. If your child truly has issues, it is IMPARITIVE that one parent take the lead on the medical issues.  This parent will become an expert and will be able to know what does and does not work and quite frankly when a doctor is full of shit. I ended up peeling through medical journals and obscure studies. As a result I found, NOT the doctors, a study that supported an effective treatment. As a result, my daughter is now almost symptom free and finally living a normal childhood.

2. Focus your energy away from resentment and back where it belongs, which is making sure your child gets the most effective and absolute best treatment out there.

3. The divorce rate is much higher for parent so of kids who have medical problems. Instead of walking around feeling resentful and angry, try feeling grateful that you have the kind of job that affords you the flexibility to even take your child to these appointments. BOTH my DH and I had inflexible jobs therefore I ended up having to quit, since I was the lower earner. I know many parents who have sick children are in terrible positions and often thrown into financial crisis due to losing a job because they don't have that flexibility.

Life throws us curve balls. I never in my wildest dreams thought that a medical problem would cause me to have to quit my job and go on a crusade for my child. Try to get ahold of yourself and gain so perspective.[/quote]

+1 - I have a child and am in the same situation.  My child comes first.  Gratefully we can afford for me to stay home but have to give up some of the luxuries. I do 100 % of the medical and other appointments.  On a rare occasion depending on the appointment or I am sick, my husband will go.  I had no flexibility at my job and was expected there no matter what.  My boss was really nasty about it.  I would not focus on the medical appointments.  As a mom, it was important to me to be involved and be there even if my husband attended.  I think the bigger issue is the after work needs of the family.  I would split up tasks and give him a few to do to make it more reasonable.  My husband usually does bath and bedtime while I clean up dinner and the house.  If he cannot pitch in try to get someone in a few hours a week to help with the household tasks so you do not resent it all.  Cheaper than a divorce.  [/quote]

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