Reply to Sexual Frustration as Romantic Motivation

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]
OP - this is kind of what I was thinking. As it is now, my initiations are kind of lackluster, to be honest. Rejection stings in proportion to how much effort I put into the initiations. If I say, "wanna do it?" and she says "no," it's not so big of a deal. If I pick her up and start carrying her off to the bedroom and she says "get off of me" that hurts more. But, if she's in the mood, or at least open to the idea that night, carrying her up to the bedroom is much better than just kind of asking in a half-assed way. 
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Do you guys have underlying issues?  Because as a woman I feel like if I love my man and he wants to have sex [b]I will at least lay there and let him do it[/b], even if I'm not in the mood.  However, if I'm secretly really angry with him, or I'm depressed, or I think I'm ugly, then I may not. ![/quote]

We have ups and downs, but our marriage is pretty solid; so I wouldn't say we have underlying issues in any significant way. Part of my hesitancy in initiating - aside from the rejection - is the fear that she will just lay there and let me do it. I'd rather masturbate if she's not into it.

But, even that isn't so cut & dry. She might start out just kind of going along with it; but very often, if we get started, she gets into it. Probably I just need to stop over thinking it; go for it if I want to have sex with her, and if she says "no"; be pleasant about it, and go off and find other entertainments.

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