Reply to Sexual Frustration as Romantic Motivation

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]
OP - this is kind of what I was thinking. As it is now, my initiations are kind of lackluster, to be honest. Rejection stings in proportion to how much effort I put into the initiations. If I say, "wanna do it?" and she says "no," it's not so big of a deal. If I pick her up and start carrying her off to the bedroom and she says "get off of me" that hurts more. But, if she's in the mood, or at least open to the idea that night, carrying her up to the bedroom is much better than just kind of asking in a half-assed way. 
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Do you guys have underlying issues?  Because as a woman I feel like if I love my man and he wants to have sex I will at least lay there and let him do it, even if I'm not in the mood.  However, if I'm secretly really angry with him, or I'm depressed, or I think I'm ugly, then I may not.  I agree with your other post that her taking out the IUD is probably a step in the right direction to taking care of any physiological issues that may be going on.

Also, as for the initations, this is something I'm having an issue with right now too.  DH and I are sexless like you, different situation though as I am the one who wants it more.  But when he initiates he will just walk up to me and say "Do you want to have sex?"  For me that's fine because I'll take it when I can get it around here.  But for most women, that is just not going to work.  It's a habit we get into as married people, but if we were strangers, or just dating, he would never use that as a come-on to try to have sex with me.

If you haven't already, just make out with her, try just kissing her, massaging her back, kissing her neck.  Tell her she's beautiful no matter what she's wearing, especially if she's in her pajamas or something like that.  Do some cleaning (not saying you don't already) or some item of housework that she's been wanting you to do, or that she thinks she'll have to do herself.  These are ways to turn on a wife.  If you do this and she feels she's being manipulated, like she says "Oh, you're just doing this so I'll have sex with you" then you're going to have to do this a couple of times without going for the sex first.  The idea is to get her turned on to the point where she is trying to have sex with you.  HTH![/quote]

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