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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]another woman here - not to defend the OP's wife, but would like to offer my perspective.   I have been married for 8 years, my DH is a good person and an AMAZING father, not the most amazing husband but not abusive or mean spirited.   Our sex life leaves a bit to be desired and I find that I'm mostly ignored both in the bedroom and otherwise.  I have found myself in the midst of a office flirtation that has not become anything more than that and to be quite honest, I enjoy the banter.   It's interesting, it's exciting and will it lead to sex?   nope.    That said, my husband is also very flirtatious by nature and flirts with women in front of me frequently, so I know that he would not be remotely bothered by my back and forth with this colleague.   He's not worried about us.    The only thing I actually think is suspect here is that your wife feels like she has something to apologize for.  I know a lot of married people and most of the flirt, at least mildly, with other people that are not their spouses.   The flirting isn't the problem.  You need to dig deeper.  [/quote]

If it works for you and your spouse, that's cool. Just like some couples do just great with open marriages. But the default assumption in marriage is sexual fidelity. Unless there is an agreement between the couple that changes that default, flirting breaks the spirit if not the letter of that default assumption.

If you are doing something with a member of the opposite sex that you wouldn't do with a member of the same sex; chances are you are crossing a line. And it's because, at some level, sex is tied into that activity and sexual fidelity is one of the primary reasons for marriage. I think the reason that the other PP is bothered by the guy who brings his wife books is because it's something the guy almost certainly wouldn't do for another guy at the office. Meaning, at some level, it's about sex. [/quote]

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