Reply to IF husband has borderline personality disorder- a death sentence for the marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous]Family member with BPD. So much easier than spouse, and more distance, but still hard.

Maybe not BPD, could be bipolar, could be dependent personality disorder (in which he is dependent on you, and if you recently had kids, you are less available and this triggering outburst and instability). All of these hard to diagnose and identify; but all very hard to stay married to or build family with.  If you stayed with someone their this, it is possible you have low self esteem or own issues to have tolerated so long.

Look into NAMI and go to support groups (some deal specifically with BPD) and you will likely get further insight.  We've had multiple diagnose for our family member; they said he was depressed, bipolar, BPD, it keeps changing.  I think very hard to diagnose, and hard to work wih so docs often end up dropping patients or they refuse treatment.

Key thing for you: does he recognize something is wrong?  Seeking psychiatric treatment? DBT probably good treatment and can even help healthy people in emotional regulation, so make sure you pursue that. May be worth looking at long term residency programs if you have the financial resources such as Gunderson Reisdence at McLean Hospital; long term intensive therapy can make lasting changes. Key is he has to want to change. [/quote]

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