Reply to Soooooooooo dreading the holidays

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Soooooooooo dreading the holidays"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Put yourself 25-30 years in the future when it is is you that your kids and their families want to avoid.  Imagine how heartbreaking it will be, then suck it up be nice and understand family dynamics were formed long before you entered the picture and you aren't so perfect either.  Good grief, I am sick of whiny women on here complaining about their mothers and mil.  I suspect a big part of the problem rests with you and your expectations.  It took me a long time to figure out that I was just as much at fault.  I think a a lot of you need to grow up.[/quote]

Yeah but.

I have studied my ILs' and parents' behavior and used it to figure out how I want to be, both for my own sake and for those around me. We still visit -- they're annoying, but they're not monsters -- but if their behavior is sucking all the joy out of an experience, we have the right to limit the amount of contact. I don't think we're making them unhappy by doing so, because they seem to be unhappy people already. I'm just trying not to let the unhappiness rub off.

I am sure that if you asked, they'd say "Oh, we love having the children and grandchildren come!" but what they really love is this version in their mind in which the grandchildren are never rowdy, never want to do something that bores the grandparents rigid, and are completely in agreement with their grandparents about which foods are good and which are not (either because they're too junky or too fancy).  The children, meanwhile, agree with the parents about all matters professional, financial, and sartorial, and when the parents opine on society or politics, we do nothing but nod and widen our eyes at their insight and wisdom. Also, we cannot get enough of complaints about people we do not know.

As soon as we veer from this script, we are ruining our time together.

And that's why we see a lot of movies and will drive half an hour to go bowling during the holidays. We're always back for cocktail hour.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics