Reply to My elderly dad wants to move in with us...thoughts, advice, and opinions welcome

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Reply to "My elderly dad wants to move in with us...thoughts, advice, and opinions welcome"

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[quote=Anonymous]Very important detail in the original post: He has lots of friends, some family and activities and groups in which he is active -- in HIS town, not near the OP. He's very, very likely to move and end up dissatisfied when he starts to miss those activities, groups and friends his own age. Trading all that for living with his family and being around young kids sounds good to him on the surface but from experience I can say that the change will pall once he begins to want interactions with people his own age. I know several families where the elders retired to a new area or moved in with the adult kids but ended up just pining for their familiar home and friends and activities.

OP, if he moves in with you, you'd do well to find in advance lots of activities for folks his age in your area. But he may end up regretting leaving behind the area and friends and activities he has known for years.

And you are right to be concerned that he will eventually tire of the noise of a household with younger kids. I think you already know that his moving in could end up changing how they grow up, the family dynamic between you and your kids and between you and your husband, right? It can be very positive but also does alter the way everyone relates to each other. I grew up in a household where my grandmother lived with us my entire life -- she moved in two years before I was even born. It was wonderful for us -- but that was a very different time and she did not have any other option but living with one of her adult children; there was no home of her own or option for "independent living facilities for seniors" etc. It worked well for our family for decades but it DID change the way my mother related to her and to us. So be aware of that.

Also, you say dad is OK financially and physically but is there any chance at all that he's not telling you something? He might have financial issues on the horizon that he has not mentioned, or he might have medical issues you haven't been told about. Those could be behind his interest in moving in -- he might have a feeling of "I don't have much longer so I need to cram in some time with my grandkids...." I would really want to go into this with him to ensure he's not making a decision based on some factors that he hasn't fully discussed with you.[/quote]

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