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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to stop shopping for fun. You can't pick up clothes the kids don't need if you don't go near a store or click on a link.

Find other things to do for fun.[/quote]

That's the thing -- I really don't shop for fun. I have very little time to shop because I have 3 kids, no local family, SAH, and hate taking my kids to stores. Not that I never make an impulse purchase, but those are not our primary problem. As I've been reflecting on our budget the past few days, I can acknowledge a few things:

(1) we eat relatively expensive food, meaning that a large chunk of our grocery bill is fresh produce, dairy and some meat. since this is important to our health, I'm not inclined to cut back much in this area since as I said, we use what we buy (PP's skepticism notwithstanding) and we buy it as cheaply as possible;

(2) we have not been budgeting for intermittent/unpredictable expenses such as car repairs, birthday parties, medical care (like the $200 emergency room copay from yesterday ...), property tax, etc. I like that YNAB forces you to acknowledge these expenses and plan for them, and I'm working on how to do that given our limited income;

(3) our main problem is large purchases that are not in the budget, e.g. travel to see family. we went on a long road trip to see my in-laws this summer and I was blown away at how fast all the gas, hotels, and eating out added up. I honestly don't know how we will manage it next year. This is not something that we are "allowed" to decline to do because it is so important to my in-laws but it is a huge money suck. (I actually posted a thread about it a month or two ago because I know how much we end up spending and it stresses me out beyond belief). I also felt pressure to put the kids in swimming lessons and that was damned expensive too. This is a good example of where I need mental discipline -- everyone else I know has their child in swimming lessons in the summer. Because I felt guilty that my kids don't know how to swim, I was able to suspend disbelief about our finances long enough to sign them up (we didn't go into debt for the lessons, but we did spend out of savings). It's hard -- they did get a lot out of the lessons, and they do need to know how to swim for safety reasons -- but we just cannot afford this type of expense.

In a related sense, I would say that the vast majority of our direct peers are in a much better financial situation than we are. I decline SO many activities in my social circle, mostly kid related but some just for moms, because of money. (Posted a thread about that too actually...) We are on the path to being better off financially, but it is a long road (massive student loans to pay off) and we will be on a tight budget for many years. It is hard to not be able to afford to do things that all your peers are doing. Sometimes I manage to justify things to myself, like the swimming lessons. I need to lose the ability to do that. So that was my question. It really has nothing to do with apps or knowledge of where your money goes -- I have all that. [/quote]

OP, I have a bit of a hard time sympathizing with your situation, but will try to be constructive.

1. I think it's great that you want to eat fresh food. I don't think you should cut that expense at all. Are you planning your meals? Are you buying all your produce at Whole Foods or farmer's markets? Are you getting all organic everything? That adds up. For the staples, take advantage of sales and store brands. Don't buy the name brand thing if the store brand thing is on sale. I literally saved $30 at Harris Teeter less than a week ago doing this. Make everything from scratch. Buy things with multiple uses.

2. Things like car repair and emergency room copays are EMERGENCIES. Those things are why emergency funds exist. They're not really expenses you can plan for short of having a robust emergency account. I would not worry about those. When it comes to birthday parties, that is one area where you just have to make sacrifices. If you cannot afford to have a $500 party at a venue with activities for everyone, then you can't afford to do that. It sucks, but that's just the way it goes.

3. As for trips to see family, I know it's hard, but at this point, you just can't take trips you can't afford, period. If your parents are like, "Come see us!" the answer simply has to be, "Mom, I'd love to but unfortunately we just can't afford it right now. Maybe later this year." Plan these visits very far in advance and plan everything you can.  As for things like extracurricular activities, I know it's hard when you/your kids are not able to do the things their peers do. Trust me. I am a single mom living in DC with one child on $70,000 a year. There are no swimming lessons or extravagant birthday parties for us. A super extravagant Saturday is when we go to a movie and have lunch after. My daughter isn't in swim lessons, dance lessons, piano lessons, etc. It's just not possible. Later, it will be harder, I'm sure. But basically, you need to stop pretending you're rich. You're not. Maybe you need to try making friends with people who are in the socioeconomic class as you, rather than people who are a couple rungs above. [/quote]

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