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[quote=Anonymous]Hi OP.  I'm sorry you went through that tonight. I think the worse of what you described is how your mom just went completely cold.

My mom too has issues.  I really think she has some kind of personality disorder, though not narcissism.  She is very selfish and lacks a great deal of common sense.  She is also emotionally immature, and will lash out at us.   The way my mom acted when my father died is something that causes me physical pain when I think about it...and some of my siblings have an even harder time forgiving her.

However, after saying all this, the part you wrote about you still love her struck me, because I feel the same way.  My mom is crazy, and flawed, and frustrating, but she is the only mother I will ever have.  So I've adjusted my expectations.  I know that she will not come to visit me, I have to visit her.  I I know that I cannot rely on her to help me, but I can still take the kids over to visit and they enjoy playing at her house.  I know that when I am there, I will be given a list of tasks to do, and I know that I am free to tell her that I can't help her with everything.

Basically, I guess I have found the best way to love her and have her in my life is just to accept her as is, and have no expectation that she would ever be like a normal, loving, mom.  And it is also vastly important that I have siblings that I can vent to!  They are the only ones who can truly understand.[/quote]

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