Reply to Estranged family -- how do you explain it to DC?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, a 9 year old can understand a fair amount, but also shouldn't have to be saddled with drama.

Perhaps you could have some calm langauge that you're comfortable using repeatedly like:

"Sometimes adults don't get along.  We will visit Grandma but not XX and YY.  I'm sorry but that's just the way it is.  Maybe someday you and your cousins can get to know each other and you'll get along better than your parents do."

I wouldn't go into a lot of detail or explanation.  A kid shouldn't be burdened with the emotional battles of adults anyway - he just needs to know the situation, that it isn't his fault in anyway (or the fault of any of the children) but it's a decision the adults have made because that's the best solution for all of you as a family.

"Every family is different - some are really close, like Daddy's family, and some aren't, like Mommy's family.  That's ok.  It's just like in school where you're better friends with some people than with others.  You can't be everyone's friend and that's ok.  So I'm not great friends with my brother and sister and that's ok too."

I'm sure there are good resources on this somewhere, but I also think you might be making more of it than you need to at this stage.  You could be projecting more of your own emotion onto why your child is asking.  Often kids just need a simple, straightforward answer.

We don't like each other very much so we don't get together anymore.   But that's why we're so lucky to have Daddy's family and your cousins xx and yy so very close.

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