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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You two need to figure this out now.  Before the relationship goes any further.  Judiasm follows the matriarch.  That means unless you convert prior to giving birth, your children will not be jewish by birth.

This is one of those issues that is a deal breaker in a marriage.  And compromise on this issue is not easy.[/quote]

Just as a point of clarification, Reform Judiasm considers children of Jewish fathers to be Jewish as well. There are no conversion requirements for non-Jewish wives.[/quote]

Reform does, yes, but Conservative and Orthodox don't, and neither does the state of Israel -- should your kids ever wish to move there. (Can't imagine they would but you never know.) I don't think OP said which denomination her boyfriend belonged to.

Anyway, it's more than just this. It's not just traditions, as another PP said. Many of the traditions are fundamentally incompatible -- for example, baptism and anything Jewish. You can't be Jewish and yet be baptized. Doesn't work. Also, if you have a boy, he will need to be circumcised, and many non-Jews don't believe in this. (Some Jews are now moving away from circumcision but again, this is a minority view, and combined with a non-Jewish mother would be a big strike against a boy being accepted as religiously Jewish in many circles without a formal conversion.)

OP, my sister went through this, with a Catholic man she loved and the whole family liked very much. Had it been just the two of them, they could have made it work. But she wanted children and was adamant that they be raised Jewish. He was adamant that any children be raised Catholic. Fortunately they realized this fundamental incompatibility before they got engaged, and broke it off. She recently married a man whose father is Jewish and his mother Catholic, but who was raised pretty much agnostic and agreed to raise any kids as Jews.

My advice is, take a hard look at what kind of family you envision -- kids? no kids? -- and how you can make it work. If religion truly is the sticking point for one or both of you, unfortunately, it may be that you simply can't make it work. It is sad but sometimes love is not enough.[/quote]

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