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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I get the tangled emotions and difficulty separating professional and personal issues. But when i pressed stepmom on *why* she thought DS didn't have ADHD, she just snapped and said "because he doesn't! This is what I do! I know it!" without offering ANY explanation, without evaluating him in any professional way, without asking me why I thought he did, etc,  and getting really pissed off at me for questioning her. Its always a red flag when a medical professional gets really defensive, but this is how she is about a lot of things, so it doesn't mean she's wrong. Anyway, she and my dad were also lecturing me on how I just need to set firmer boundaries with my son and he acts up because I let him, essentially--that his behavior is a reflection of poor parenting and complicated emotional dynamics at home (which hey, maybe, but then help me out more than just saying "be firm"). So, today they got to spend the day with him --I was there the whole time, but I essentially allowed them to take more  responsibility for my son, and i hung back with the younger child. By the end of the day, they were both totally frazzled, were yelling constantly and saying "no!" and "stop!" and as ineffectually as I still do on occasion (though I have adopted a different approach, which is specific ignoring, for certain things). The day ended with my stepmother screaming at my son because he kept pushing a shopping cart into another one after she told him to stop. she totally lost it(screaming and twisting/yanking his arm hard to get him to stop ) which of course set off a meltdown.

Sadly, knowing my stepmom  she will refuse to consider any alternative to her opinion (she has alraedy taken it as a personal affront that we did not sseek out the psychoanalyst she recommended) and I will never be allowed to discuss my son's diagnosis, behavior, or therapy or anything with her or with my dad if she's there because she will shut down the conversation. So, I guess I feel very alone--worried about my son, frustrated and scared and overwhelmed by the challenges his behavior presents (and will continue to present as he gets older/starts school) and just wishing I had one supportive parent. (my own mom, when I told her that we think my son has ADHD, only said "well, you knew it ran in the family when you married DH, but you did it anyway" and since then has pointed out every single thing that my son cannot do, from putting on his shoes to telling time to building things, and talks about how he'll never be a scientist or a doctor, etc, etc). [/quote]
Your MIL is a bit cray cray.[/quote]

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