Reply to Think friend has dropped me - should I ask what happened?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It isn't always 'childish' to let your relationship with someone cool without explaining it. I see it as more hurtful to email someone with the headline "200 reasons why I can no longer be friends with you" saying all the worst things they may think about themselves.

While I may have decided a person has changed too much/repeatedly displayed behaviors I cannot accept in a friend, someone else may feel entirely differently. They are not necessarily unworthy of friendship, I am just no longer able to be friends with them. I don't see a reason to cut them down and make them feel lousy because I cannot perpetuate a relationship with them.

Now, if they come to me and sincerely ask what happened, I'll explain it to them. But if it's just their own lifestyle choices/personality evolution and not a specific action that hurt me that made me decide to drop them, it's not for me to criticize. Plenty of other people may like them the way they are. I may not, but I don't need to make them feel lousy by listing the reasons. [/quote]

+1,000,000. Seriously, I could not agree more. PP, you sound like a kind and compassionate person. It's really cruel to make another person listen to all the things that you don't like about them just so you can have the satisfaction of conforming to some arbitrary notion of maturity (or of telling the other person off under the guise of maturity!). And, as the pp stated so well, just because you don't like certain things about someone else does not mean that person can or should change or that the problem is actually with them. People sometimes simply grow apart. Or maybe the problem with the friendship is actually you and you just can't see what you are contributing to the bad dynamic. Whatever the reason the friendship must end, it's definitely better to try and be as kind and as fair as possible to all involved. Quietly backing away is generally the best way to accomplish that. Perhaps not in all cases, but in most.        [/quote]

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