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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm going to differ with PPs a little.  While I don't think your stepdaughter should be given any real caregiving responsibilities for your son, I do think she should be expected to treat him respectfully and lovingly, like a brother and a fellow human.

If one person is trying to get another's attention or engage in conversation, it's just not okay to ignore them.  In what other context would it be?  She doesn't need to drop what she's doing and play a game with him, but she sure should be expected to look up from her phone, acknowledge him, and participate in a short exchange.  You would expect at least that much from a stranger on the metro!

I have an 8 year old and a 2 year old.  The 2 year old adores any big kid who comes to the house, including one particular friend of the older child.  Whenever she comes over, I keep little one occupied so she doesn't tag along on the big kids' fun, but even so, whenever little one would try to talk to the friend, friend completely ignored her.  So sad to see little one trying so hard and not understanding why big kid friend wouldn't even respond to a hello.  I told friend that she needed to acknowledge little one when spoken to.  I explained, "Little one is soooo excited to see you come over.  She loves big kids like you, and it just makes her feel so sad and confused when you ignore her.  Can you imagine how it would feel to look up to someone and have them completely ignore you?"  Message conveyed.  We expect common decency in this household, including respect for small children.

This is about two things:  treating another person decently and fostering her relationship with her brother.  As one of the adults in her life and the mother of her brother, you have a responsibility to her and your son to do this.  Your stepdaughter and son are already disadvantaged by time and distance.  Do what you can to help them overcome it.  Presumably, you are a blessing in her father's life and she and your son are a blessing in each other's.  Think of it that way, and nurture it.

And while I wouldn't expect her to babysit or anything like that, I do think it's fine-- in a very limited way-- to ask her to keep an eye on him while you take a shower for 10 or 20 minutes.  Again, she is his sister.  This shouldn't be a burden, it should be what one does in a family.

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Oh, shut up already.[/quote]

nP here.  Wow.  You must be one of those people who think its ok to let your kid be rude and unkind to others, being unnecessarily rude and unkind yourself.

PP, I'm with you.  I wouldn't make SD do lots of chores, but basic common decency toward her little brother would be a must. And it is not too much to ask her to watch the baby sometimes.

In fact, I'd caution against treating her just like a houseguest.  This might actually backfire, by making her feel like she's not a member of the family and alienating her further.[/quote]

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