Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm going to differ with PPs a little. While I don't think your stepdaughter should be given any real caregiving responsibilities for your son, I do think she should be expected to treat him respectfully and lovingly, like a brother and a fellow human.

If one person is trying to get another's attention or engage in conversation, it's just not okay to ignore them. In what other context would it be? She doesn't need to drop what she's doing and play a game with him, but she sure should be expected to look up from her phone, acknowledge him, and participate in a short exchange. You would expect at least that much from a stranger on the metro!

I have an 8 year old and a 2 year old. The 2 year old adores any big kid who comes to the house, including one particular friend of the older child. Whenever she comes over, I keep little one occupied so she doesn't tag along on the big kids' fun, but even so, whenever little one would try to talk to the friend, friend completely ignored her. So sad to see little one trying so hard and not understanding why big kid friend wouldn't even respond to a hello. I told friend that she needed to acknowledge little one when spoken to. I explained, "Little one is soooo excited to see you come over. She loves big kids like you, and it just makes her feel so sad and confused when you ignore her. Can you imagine how it would feel to look up to someone and have them completely ignore you?" Message conveyed. We expect common decency in this household, including respect for small children.

This is about two things: treating another person decently and fostering her relationship with her brother. As one of the adults in her life and the mother of her brother, you have a responsibility to her and your son to do this. Your stepdaughter and son are already disadvantaged by time and distance. Do what you can to help them overcome it. Presumably, you are a blessing in her father's life and she and your son are a blessing in each other's. Think of it that way, and nurture it.

And while I wouldn't expect her to babysit or anything like that, I do think it's fine-- in a very limited way-- to ask her to keep an eye on him while you take a shower for 10 or 20 minutes. Again, she is his sister. This shouldn't be a burden, it should be what one does in a family.

Oh, shut up already.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm going to differ with PPs a little. While I don't think your stepdaughter should be given any real caregiving responsibilities for your son, I do think she should be expected to treat him respectfully and lovingly, like a brother and a fellow human.

If one person is trying to get another's attention or engage in conversation, it's just not okay to ignore them. In what other context would it be? She doesn't need to drop what she's doing and play a game with him, but she sure should be expected to look up from her phone, acknowledge him, and participate in a short exchange. You would expect at least that much from a stranger on the metro!

I have an 8 year old and a 2 year old. The 2 year old adores any big kid who comes to the house, including one particular friend of the older child. Whenever she comes over, I keep little one occupied so she doesn't tag along on the big kids' fun, but even so, whenever little one would try to talk to the friend, friend completely ignored her. So sad to see little one trying so hard and not understanding why big kid friend wouldn't even respond to a hello. I told friend that she needed to acknowledge little one when spoken to. I explained, "Little one is soooo excited to see you come over. She loves big kids like you, and it just makes her feel so sad and confused when you ignore her. Can you imagine how it would feel to look up to someone and have them completely ignore you?" Message conveyed. We expect common decency in this household, including respect for small children.

This is about two things: treating another person decently and fostering her relationship with her brother. As one of the adults in her life and the mother of her brother, you have a responsibility to her and your son to do this. Your stepdaughter and son are already disadvantaged by time and distance. Do what you can to help them overcome it. Presumably, you are a blessing in her father's life and she and your son are a blessing in each other's. Think of it that way, and nurture it.

And while I wouldn't expect her to babysit or anything like that, I do think it's fine-- in a very limited way-- to ask her to keep an eye on him while you take a shower for 10 or 20 minutes. Again, she is his sister. This shouldn't be a burden, it should be what one does in a family.

Anonymous wrote: Her father should be the one telling her what to do, which should be, picking up after herself including her dishes and keeping her room tidy. If you want to build a relationship with her, maybe you could see if she'd like to help you in the kitchen or something she might like to do.

Anonymous wrote:Try to take her out once while she is here with just you and her - get a manicure, go to lunch, stop at Georgetown cupcakes or some other cupcake shop. Do it early in the visit. Let her know you are happy she is spending time with you guys and communicate that through actions as well as words.

And FYI - she might have some sullen looks! That is what 13 is all about.

No chores, treat her as a guest. Its only 3 weeks and it sounds like she doesn't get to see dad all that much. Make sure she has some daddy daughter time carved out without you and your son. She may be a little jealous he is with dad all the time (totally normal).

-Stepmom

Anonymous wrote:Try to take her out once while she is here with just you and her - get a manicure, go to lunch, stop at Georgetown cupcakes or some other cupcake shop. Do it early in the visit. Let her know you are happy she is spending time with you guys and communicate that through actions as well as words.

And FYI - she might have some sullen looks! That is what 13 is all about.

No chores, treat her as a guest. Its only 3 weeks and it sounds like she doesn't get to see dad all that much. Make sure she has some daddy daughter time carved out without you and your son. She may be a little jealous he is with dad all the time (totally normal).

-Stepmom

Anonymous wrote: She's 13, she doesn't want to play and shouldn't be forced to. As far as chores go, just tell her what you want her to do. What teenager volunteers to help out around the house?

Anonymous wrote:You rarely see her so she is(and may feel like) more of a guest than a family member.

She is a teen girl and away from her home environment and her friends. It is normal for her to stay glued to her phone, that is her connection to her world. It is normal for her to have a bit of attitude and not want to do chores.

Your younger one shouldn't expect someone to play with him everytime he asks. She is more likely to play with him on occasion if you don't make a big deal out of it.

Make the little time you have with her about connecting, building stronger relationships and enjoying her company - not about rules, chores, and trying to make her your sons's playmate.