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[quote=Anonymous]While there is a genuine wish on MIL's part to establish bond with a new baby and help out a young family, I think there are two things that create difficult MIL/DIL situations similar to this and others (unless the DIL is indeed a very difficult person to begin with and won't give MIL a chance):

1. MIL can't stop seeing her son as a little boy who still needs her thus the constant need to linger around son's new home/life the way she did when she dropped him off at kindergarten a few decades ago and stood by the doorway watching him play and secretly wishing he'd burst into tears and run over for one final hug goodbye. 
2. Retirement and the need to have a purpose that can turn into a demand that children provide that purpose when MIL has no plans for how to spend retirement other than turning into an ever-present force in young family's life (see #1-- "of course my son will need me! And what nerve of that woman standing in my way, saying he doesn't???!!")

I think there are lots of older women-- and some men-- who simply don't know how to define themselves once the kids grow up and the day job is gone. It takes a lot of self-awareness, soul searching and effort, effort, effort to find a new life and purpose. I've heard of only a handful of situations where grandparents happily moved away from family to a warmer climate to start their retirement and find new interests and even new friends. Most seem to want to stay put but expect their kids to comply and stay put as well. [/quote]

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